SIDNEY, MT — The quiet town of Sidney, Montana made headlines recently after a transdimensional portal appeared in the home of Bob and Cynthia Allen. Sources say the wife accidentally opened the time-tunneling tesseract while trying to find the power button on the remote. The cat was sucked into the otherworldly vortex before the couple realized what was happening. "I just pushed all the colored buttons, hoping one of them turned it off!" screamed Cynthia while clutching the kitchen table with her husband and watching her favorite bowl disappear into the otherworldly schism. "This is why I just let you...