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Keyword: postandrun

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  • Second Assassination Attempt Sparks Debate [semi-satire]

    09/23/2024 11:46:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    On September 15, a gunman was discovered lying in wait for an opportunity to shoot former President Trump at the Mar-a-Lago golf course. Just moments before he could get a shot off Secret Service agents fired at him. He ran away, but was later captured. This event reignited a debate on how to prevent more attempts in the future. Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) blamed Trump "for inciting the climate of violence that is destroying civility and unity in our country. Hardly a day goes by when he isn't excoriating those of us who are trying to govern this country and...
  • Biden Outwits MAGA Extremists [semi-satire]

    09/16/2024 4:24:42 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    In a campaign event at a fire station in Shanksville, Pennsylvania President Biden was photographed wearing a Trump 2024 MAGA hat. White House senior deputy press secretary Andrew Bates credited the President for "his skillful avoidance of a potential hostage situation. He was surrounded by MAGA extremists. He could've easily been killed at any moment. Using the wits that many Republicans insist he doesn't have, he grabbed a MAGA hat and put it on his head. The MAGA folks were mollified and allowed him to leave unharmed." Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) demanded "an FBI investigation to see if...
  • Pope Gives Election Advice [semi-satire]

    09/15/2024 10:01:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 15 Sep 2024 | John Semmens
    Pope Francis had little positive to say about either Vice-President Kamala Harris or former President Donald Trump as a presidential contender. One the one hand, he called Trump's opposition to welcoming immigrants "a grave sin." On the other hand, he likened Harris' support for abortion to "approving assassination." He advised voters to "choose the lesser evil" when they cast their ballots. Former Catholic and current Lutheran Gov. Tim Walz called this "the endorsement we didn't expect, but are grateful to have. As I understand it, a 'grave sin' is something that can never be forgiven. An 'assassination' that is freely...
  • "Harris Won an Open Primary" [semi-satire]

    09/10/2024 1:35:16 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 8 September 2024 | John Semmens
    In response to criticism that Vice-President Kamala Harris was "installed rather than elected as the Democratic Party's presidential nominee," former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) insisted that "it was an open process. After President Biden voluntarily stepped down the Democratic National Committee carefully weighed what to do. During this process any Democrat could've submitted his or her name for us to consider. No one did. The DNC can't be blamed for not selecting from a list with zero names on it." "Since President Biden has made clear for a long time, he and Kamala were a team," Pelosi pointed out....
  • Facebook Admits Error [semi-satire]

    08/05/2024 10:54:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Meta Public Affairs Director Dani Lever acknowledged that Facebook's censorship of the post-assassination attempt photo of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump "was a mistake. Our basic operating premise regarding everything showing Trump in a good light is that it must be disinformation. This photo showed him allegedly surviving a gunshot wound and defiantly urging his supports to fight. Later, as evidence seemed to build verifying that there actually had been a shooting, that a bullet pierced Trump's ear and was within an inch of killing him, we reluctantly concluded that the photo was genuine." Lever admitted that "hearing Meta CEO...
  • Buttigieg Pushes Abortion Freedom [semi-satire]

    08/06/2024 11:26:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg used a "White Dupes for Harris" fundraising event to tell 20,000 prospective donors that "Vice-President Harris has women's health freedom as Exhibit A in her case for voters to elect her president. But it's not only women who will benefit from a nationwide right to a free abortion at any time and for any reason. Men will be freed from the obligation to pay to support the children who are aborted." The Secretary used statistics to buttress his argument, pointing out that "87% of abortions are performed on unmarried women and 64% of them report...
  • Dem Solutions for Illegal Immigration [semi-satire]

    08/07/2024 10:24:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 August 2024 | John Semmens
    With polls showing a surge of voter support for Democratic presidential nominee Vice-President Kamala Harris, the Party is batting around ideas on how they will solve the border crisis once they control the executive branch and have majorities in both Houses of Congress after the election. Sen. Edward Markey (D-Mass) is crafting "a Destination Reception Assistance Act to promote self-sufficiency among the masses of new arrivals. Right now the majority of these people are too dependent on government-provided goods and services that are too Spartan in nature. They get government-provided housing, food, and transportation. This is not a fit lifestyle...
  • Harris & Walz Ticket Praised [semi-satire]

    08/10/2024 12:40:06 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 August 2024 | John Semmens
    While many commentators were surprised that Vice-President Kamala Harris chose Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz to be her running mate, prominent members of the progressive left enthusiastically endorsed the choice. The Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) took credit for "steering Harris away from the Jewish enabler of Palestinian genocide to pick the most socialist of the options under consideration. Her next steps must be an immediate ceasefire in Palestine and an embargo on all arms to Israel." The Black Muslim Leadership Council Fund called "the rise of Harris to be the Democrat presidential nominee and her choice of Gov. Walz to...
  • Solar Panel Subsidy Flop [semi-satire]

    08/11/2024 8:08:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 August 2024 | John Semmens
    The Biden/Harris billion dollar plan to provide Puerto Rico a secure source of energy has come to nothing. Secretary of the US Department of Energy Jennifer Granholm explained "we figured that a place with as much sunshine as Puerto Rico gets would be a natural fit for a solar panel solution. But after three years of effort and expense we realized that the same hurricanes that destroy the structures people live and work in would also destroy the solar panels installed on their roofs." Granholm insisted that "it wasn't a total loss. We learned that (1) the solar option isn't...
  • Bag Ban Backfires [semi-satire]

    08/12/2024 11:15:04 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 23 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 August 2024 | John Semmens
    In an effort to reduce the amount of plastic waste, California banned single-use plastic grocery bags in 2016. The thicker reusable totes that replaced these bags aren't, in fact, reused as often as had been hoped. Health concerns about reusing contaminated cloth bags led to stores offering customers sturdier reusable plastic bags for a small fee--typically ten cents per bag. However, most customers threw these bags out after a single use. The result is that the amount of plastic the state dumped into the Pacific Ocean soared from 157,385 tons in 2014 to 231,072 tons in 2022. The editors of...
  • Biden Should Be Added to Mt Rushmore [semi-satire]

    08/14/2024 10:32:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Though many credit her for getting President Biden to drop out of the 2024 race for the presidency, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) denied "doing anything more than appeal to his better nature. And it worked. He gracefully stepped aside so the Democratic Party could install Vice-President Harris as its presidential nominee. He demonstrated a greatness that is rare and worthy of eternal glorification by having his face carved on Mt. Rushmore." "His accomplishments is office were monumental," Pelosi added. "As he has said himself on multiple occasions he cured the economy, beat covid, secured the border,...
  • Harris Vows to Crackdown on Price Gouging [semi-satire]

    08/17/2024 12:46:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Acknowledging that "since President Biden's attempt to use the 'bully pulpit' to try to shame corporate price gougers into accepting a fair mark-up approach hasn't worked," Democrat presidential nominee Vice-President Kamala Harris said "I will be taking a more aggressive approach. Within the first 100 days of a Harris/Walz administration we will issue a matrix delineating the fair prices for every major consumer product. I will instruct the Federal Trade Commission to monitor compliance and punish those businesses that violate our guidelines." She called this approach "the only sure way to put a lid on the inflation caused by the...
  • Dem Vote-Buying Scheme [semi-satire]

    08/17/2024 11:07:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    The US Supreme Court has already ruled that President Biden lacks the authority to cancel student debt. Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) also acknowledged "the president of the United States does not have the power for debt forgiveness. That has to be an act of Congress." Nevertheless, the Biden/Harris Administration plans to announce a massive cancellation of $147 billion of student debt between now and election day. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona said "let me be clear, President Biden and I are determined to lower costs for student loan borrowers. Technically, we don't have the specific legal authority to...
  • Google Explains Approach to Political News [semi-satire]

    08/18/2024 11:25:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    In July former president Donald trump was shot in the ear while giving a campaign speech in Pennsylvania. Users attempting to access this event on Google had trouble. The site routed them away from the event and toward the 1950 attempted assassination of President Harry Truman by Puerto Rican gunmen. This week, the Harris/Walz campaign used the Google site to post phony news headlines falsely attributed to Reuters, CBS News, CNN, NPR and AP. The bogus headlines included: "Harris Will Lower Health Costs," "Harris' Vision: Lower Costs And Higher Wages," and "Inflation Is Down." Mark Isakowitz, Google Vice President of...
  • Measuring Crime [semi-satire]

    08/19/2024 12:02:57 PM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Democrats contend that crime rose while Trump was president and fell after Biden took office. Republicans contend that crime fell when Trump was president and rose after Biden took office. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg cited FBI statistics, saying "if you look this up at home, you will know that crime went down under Biden and crime went up under Trump." Democrat nominee for vice-president Gov. Tim Walz asserted "make no mistake, violent crime was up under Donald Trump." The Bureau of Justice Statistics' National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) asks a yearly sample of 240,000 people whether they have been victims...
  • Dem PAC Files Complaint [semi-satire]

    08/20/2024 10:51:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    End Citizens United (ECU), a PAC that supports Democrat candidates, filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission (FEC) alleging that "the Trump interview with Elon Musk on Musk's X platform is an illegal in-kind campaign contribution of massive proportions. Such a brazen corporate contribution undermines the anti-corruption aims of the Federal Election Campaign Act of 1971, and the Commission should immediately investigate these violations and take appropriate remedial action." The fact that Musk has offered equal time to Vice-President Harris didn't diminish ECU President Tiffany Muller's concerns. "First, the Trump/Musk podcast had a billion views," she said. "There's no...
  • Biden/Harris Admin Considering Deal with Iran [semi-satire]

    08/21/2024 11:04:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 August 2024 | John Semmens
    An American security delegation secretly traveled to Tehran in order to try to deescalate tensions in the region between Iran and Israel. In a meeting with Iran's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei the delegation is reported to have supplied the names of ten Israeli agents in Iran that are believed to have been involved in the assassination of Hamas's Ismail Haniyeh when he visited the country in late July. US Secretary of State Tony Blinken insisted that "we haven't given up any names yet, but we won't rule it out as an option. If the alternative is a regional war between...
  • "She Failed as Vice-President" [semi-satire]

    08/24/2024 12:41:10 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 August 2024 | John Semmens
    President Joe Biden's former chief of staff Ron Klain acknowledged in an interview with the New York Times that "we were all united behind the idea she should be successful. But it just didn't happen. Basically, she failed as vice-president." Jeffrey Zients, Biden's current chief if staff, who was co-chair of the Biden-Harris transition team, said "when I started running the transition, the president's first directive to me was the vice president must be involved in every decision that hits his desk, from start to finish. So, she was in the loop, but had nothing helpful to offer on any...
  • RFK Endorses Trump [semi-satire]

    08/24/2024 11:18:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Frustrated by what he termed "the Democratic Party's efforts to dismantle democracy," Robert f. Kennedy Jr. announced that he is "urging voters in the battle ground states to vote for former President Trump. The election of Vice-President Kamala Harris would be a calamity for real democracy and our country." "In the effort to ensure a second term for Biden the Democratic Party blocked my efforts to enter the primaries and make my case for needed change," RFK pointed out. "Once Biden secured enough delegates to win the nomination he challenged the likely Republican nominee Donald Trump to a debate. Biden's...
  • Dem Poses Hypothetical Abortion Scenario [semi-satire]

    08/25/2024 10:38:14 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 August 2024 | John Semmens
    Gov. Andy Beshear (D-Ky) made the case for a nationwide, anytime, anywhere right to a publicly funded abortion by posing a hypothetical scenario for Republican vice-presidential nominee Sen. JD Vance (Ohio). "Let's imagine for a moment that Senator Vance's wife is raped and impregnated by a criminal who illegally entered the country through our porous southern border," Beshear posited. "Wouldn't the Senator want his wife to have the option to abort that child?" Vance pointed out that "the Democrats want to impose their extreme abortion position on every state in the union. The US Supreme Court wisely recognized that there...