RFK Endorses Trump [semi-satire]

Frustrated by what he termed "the Democratic Party's efforts to dismantle democracy," Robert f. Kennedy Jr. announced that he is "urging voters in the battle ground states to vote for former President Trump. The election of Vice-President Kamala Harris would be a calamity for real democracy and our country."

"In the effort to ensure a second term for Biden the Democratic Party blocked my efforts to enter the primaries and make my case for needed change," RFK pointed out. "Once Biden secured enough delegates to win the nomination he challenged the likely Republican nominee Donald Trump to a debate. Biden's performance at this debate clearly demonstrated that his dementia made him unfit to govern. Rather than allow an open debate and a contest for others to win the nomination, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) decided to install Harris as the nominee without giving Democrat voters any say in the matter."

"After keeping me out of the Democratic primaries, the DNC has fought hard to prevent my independent run for the presidency by trying to keep me off the general election ballot by filing expensive lawsuits against to drain my campaign resources," RFK complained. "It isn't just me they're trying to keep off the ballot. They've also targeted Cornel West, Marianne Williamson, and Jill Stein. And while the DNC can't keep the Republican nominee off the ballot they are using government resources to prosecute him, tie him up in court, consume his resources, and smear his reputation."

"Three great causes drove me to enter this race: free speech, the war in Ukraine, and the health of America's children," RFK asserted. "Because the Democratic Party is on the opposite side of each of these causes I first decided to run as an independent, and now to throw my support to President Trump. Trump and I both support these causes. Harris doesn't support any of them."

Harris/Walz campaign spokesman Michael Tyler acknowledged that "yes, Mr. Kennedy raised these same issues with us. They didn't resonate with Vice-President Harris because she believes that unity and joy are the overriding issues of her campaign. Rather than unite in a common effort to defeat the pandemic, Mr. Kennedy openly criticized the effort to get everyone vaccinated. He called the vaccines dangerous and ineffective. Harris wants to win the Ukraine war, not end it. RFK's abuse of free speech, opposition to the war, and spreading misinformation endangering the public health put him outside the progressive paradigm of the newly revitalized Democratic Party that Harris will lead to victory in November. It's a pity that his lunatic views have led him to join Trump's doomed campaign."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

These are always well written, logical, factual, and 99% true. However, there is no comedy in them. Satire should not be so dry.

You need to add a surprise, a twist to these satire articles.

For Example: “And then RFK JR. threw a pie and hit Michael right in the kisser.”

Or... “One of the extremely long range missiles Zelensky got from the US went off track and hit Joe Biden’s house, destroying the Corvette given to his wife. She has filed for divorce.”

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