Note: This is satire. It is critical to point that out because it’s 2017 and it’s hard to tell. None of this actually happened, but it totally could have. Robert Mueller, the fatally conflicted Special Counsel in charge of the Russian collusion snipe hunt, just came out with his indictments, and there has been a lot of confusion among the lunatics, weirdos, and 23-year-old internet pundits who make up his fan base. They’ve been leveraging their extensive federal court experience, which consists of having heard that federal courts are a...