Free Republic

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Navy announced this morning that the USS Harvey Milk will be officially renamed the USS No Homo. Christened the 'Harvey Milk' four years ago in honor of the infamous gay sexual predator, the ship's name change reflects a broader effort by military leadership to clarify that the Navy isn't actually that gay. "Despite the uniforms, the Navy isn't just nancy boys and fairies," said Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth. "The names of our ships ought to reflect that non-gayness. It's hard enough for them already, wearing their fruity little sailor outfits, without also having...

ARLINGTON, TX — Despite facing ongoing criticism for being the only remaining Major League Baseball team to not hold a Pride Night, the Texas Rangers announced the club would double down by celebrating a "No Homo Night" at the ballpark. Whereas all other MLB teams scheduled special nights to cater to celebrating LGBTQ lifestyles, the Rangers instead decided to institute "No Homo Night," which will include overtly heterosexual hotdogs, no physical touching between male fans other than aggressive high-fives, and a strict ban on any Dallas Cowboys clothing. "It's going to be a sweet time at the ballpark. No homo,"...

There’s no butts about it. A University of Tennessee student who allegedly binged on alcohol by “butt chugging” denied that he was hospitalized for the dangerous activity, claiming he’d never do such a thing because it would violate “God’s law.” In a rambling written statement, 20-year-old Alexander (Xander) Broughton said, “I am a Christian who would never desecrate my body in that manner.” “That manner” would be consuming alcohol through a rubber tube inserted into his rectum. Broughton, of Memphis, was taken to a Knoxville hospital Sept. 22 with a blood-alcohol level at a life-threatening .40, according to reports. The...