Like most Brits in America, there are many things that I have never been able to wrap my head around: beef jerky, health insurance and, most of all, jam bands. The tie-dyed subculture is huge in the US — so huge that Vermont legends Phish are currently in the midst of a 13-night run at Madison Square Garden (ending Aug. 6). As an avowed punk-rock enthusiast, I like music to feel like a hard, fast punch to the face. So an evening with 18,000 hippies flailing around like demented jellyfish to endless guitar solos is my idea of hell.