CHICAGO, IL — After releasing Jayden Ivey over his statements about the unrighteousness of Pride month, the Chicago Bulls have offered to reinstate Ivey on the team if he will agree to do some cocaine and beat a few women. The Bulls stated that the amount of cocaine was flexible, but Ivey needed to be arrested for at least two counts of domestic violence in order to be let back onto the team. "We have high expectations in Chicago, and we will not tolerate players who fail to live up to our culture," said Bulls General Manager Mark Eversley. "I...