WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an announcement leaked to the press, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts stated the person responsible for leaking the draft of the court's Roe v. Wade decision was found to be Swedish Supreme Court Janitor Hildur Clintonheim. "Our elite team of court investigators did phenomenal work catching Clintonheim," said Chief Justice Roberts while simultaneously checking Twitter to get a read on which way he should rule regarding Roe v. Wade. "And to think this whole time we gave this janitor access to our documents, our offices, and Justice Kavanaugh's keg den." Roberts said investigators caught Clintonheim in the...