Posted on 05/04/2022 5:36:42 PM PDT by Trillian
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an announcement leaked to the press, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts stated the person responsible for leaking the draft of the court's Roe v. Wade decision was found to be Swedish Supreme Court Janitor Hildur Clintonheim.
"Our elite team of court investigators did phenomenal work catching Clintonheim," said Chief Justice Roberts while simultaneously checking Twitter to get a read on which way he should rule regarding Roe v. Wade. "And to think this whole time we gave this janitor access to our documents, our offices, and Justice Kavanaugh's keg den."
Roberts said investigators caught Clintonheim in the nick of time as he was trying to replace Justice Amy Coney Barrett's real, wooden gavel with a fake gavel that made a squeaking sound when hit. Experts believe that had the janitor pulled off this second heist, the nation would have plunged into depravity and chaos, full of parents killing unborn children and adults openly grooming and drugging school kids.
Shock and dismay have reportedly rippled through the halls of the highest—and now most vulnerable—court in the land. Justice Sonia Sotomayor expressed particular surprise at the source of the leak, stating she didn't know Sweden was a real country.
The investigative team who caught Clintonheim could not be reached for comment as they had all mysteriously killed themselves.
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter's possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.
Lol! The Bee is good.
Hiluigi Clintonelli, Phil R.E. Quinton,
Hillzekiah Clintonstein and Hilaaniti Clintraja could not be reached for comment.
It’s gotten so that I have to consciously check every article to see if it is or isn’t The Bee.
Also, the beard is obviously fake. Everyone knows that Bill is Hillary's beard.
I knew it. Can’t trust them Swedes; thought at first it was some Amish person.
LOL!
And all this time I thought it would turn out to be Diane Feinstein’s Chinese chauffeur.
My husband, who is Norwegian, says that all the time.
“You just can’t trust those Swedes. They’re just too smart” !!!
ROTFLMCFASHWUAO!!!!
Ho Lee Sh..
Who is Mandy??
Funny! But seriously I saw on Fox last night that these preliminary court orders are essentially treated like top secret documents. Kept on super secure servers, and there are only 48 people that have access to them. The 12 Supreme Court Justices themselves and their 36 law clerks. So that narrows down the potential suspects considerably (no janitor pulling it out of the trash). It really should be pretty easy to trace, just pull the logs of who made physical or digital copies of the draft order.
A human rights activist claimed that preventing abortion would “flood the country with living human beings” and “destroy the rights of women to kill whoever they wanted.”
Hildur Clintonheim said Amen to that.
Love how they hit the important points.
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