The reports are everywhere — miserable conditions supposedly aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, including food shortages, broken plumbing, widespread exhaustion, and plummeting morale. It’s so bad, these reports say, that some sailors have attempted to jump overboard and presumably drown. Breathless headlines like “Conditions on US aircraft carrier at sea for more than 250 days raise alarms” are rampant. Democrat lawmakers like Richard "Da Nang Dick" Blumenthal (D-CT) are demanding answers and writing strongly worded letters. The U.S. military was already preparing to replace the USS Abraham Lincoln with the USS George Washington as part of a scheduled Middle East...