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I had one night stand. That was one sweet night stand.

Then I saved up enough money for a second night stand. Then I got drunk.

Hey, I was cornered by the “Monroe Boys” at a pizza shop. Fortunately I flashed the “sign” and they left me alone.

after having been blown off the surface of Mars by a massive asteroid strike and traveling 140 million miles (225 million kilometers) to Earth

*******

Man, what are the odds?

Was the usual 20% tariff collected?

And every time you did it, we lost everyone in three states.

Keep up the good work, my man!

I hope they carry over the shoulder boulder holders.

I wasn’t able to find a Danny Tartabull eating a donut with a knife and fork graphic.

:)

"They hurt his feelings."

after having TWENTY ONE children by surrogates...17 of whom are toddlers

17 of the surrogates are toddlers??

'

:)

+1

They even had homes of ancestors of Larry Bird and Shaquille O’Neal.

Sears Cro-Magnon-Man tools. Lifetime guarantee.

At a Bruce Willis roast:

Willis: “People argue whether Die Hard is an action movie or a Christmas movie. Neither. It’s a Bruce Willis movie!!”