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Articles Posted by John Semmens

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  • Biden Opposes GI Pay Hike [semi-satire]

    06/16/2024 4:36:26 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 June 2024 | John Semmens
    A Republican draft of the 2025 National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) would provide $24 billion over the next five years to boost the pay of enlisted troops. The Biden Administration opposes this allocation because "the funds have already been allocated to Ukraine as part of our commitment to pay all the costs of the Zelensky government for the next ten-years." Rep. Jim Banks (R-Ind) pointed out that "the agreement signed by President Biden and President Zelensky has not even been submitted to, much less ratified by the Senate. Neither has the funding been authorized by Congress. Republicans don't agree that...
  • Portland Public Health Boofing Kit [semi-satire]

    06/16/2024 11:06:41 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 June 2024 | John Semmens
    In an effort to solve the problem of ingesting drugs when an addict's veins are too messed up to inject them, the city of Portland, Maine is now offering free "boofing" kits. Each kit includes a syringe without a needle to squirt the drug directly up the rectum. Users are advised that "compared to smoking or sniffing your drugs, boofing may hit harder or faster." Maine Access Points, a taxpayer-funded nonprofit based in Bangor, offers a free instructional video titled "All About Boofing" narrated by Kristin and Jessie. Users are advised to "insert the syringe thumb knuckle deep before you...
  • Two Cases of Woke Justice [semi-satire]

    06/15/2024 11:08:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 June 2024 | John Semmens
    In Ohio, Judge Brian Hagan ordered that Bionca Ellis be released on her own recognizance. Three days later she shoplifted a knife and stabbed three-year-old Julian Wood to death in the parking lot outside the Giant Eagle grocery store in North Olmstead, Ohio. Hagan argued that "there was nothing wrong with my decision to release Ms. Ellis. I had no way of knowing she might be violent. The fact that a young boy is now dead was a totally unforeseen tragedy." Kern County criminal records indicate that in January Ellis was accused of attacking hospital staffers at Kern Medical when...
  • Pelosi Denounces "Revisionist History" of Jan 6 [semi-satire]

    06/15/2024 12:57:09 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 June 2024 | John Semmens
    In a video shot by her daughter Alexandra on January 6, 2021, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) is seen saying "I take responsibility for failing to have a better security plan for the Capitol complex. Why weren't the National Guard there to begin with? I take responsibility for not having them just prepare for war." Former Capitol Police Chief Steven Sund pointed out that "Speaker Pelosi had the authority to call in the National Guard. President Trump had previously approved using the National Guard. I explicitly requested National Guard support multiple times before January 6, and repeatedly for 71...
  • Live Interviews of Trump Condemned [semi-satire]

    06/11/2024 1:17:07 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 June 2024 | John Semmens
    Political director of ABC News George Stephanopoulos characterized live TV interviews of former President Donald Trump as "journalistic malpractice. You are allowing Trump's words to flow directly to the TV viewer. There is no opportunity to selectively edit the content in order to ensure that the correct message is conveyed." "We are within a few months of an election that could overturn of our hard won victory over Trump in the 2020 election," the former Clinton apologist pointed out. "It is essential that we control the narrative. We can't do that if viewers can see and hear Trump for themselves...
  • Dems See Benefits of Trump's Conviction [semi-satire}

    06/10/2024 10:18:55 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 June 2024 | John Semmens
    House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) went on NBC's Meet the Press to say that "Trump's conviction validates the American judicial system. Here we have a person of immense wealth and privilege brought down by a jury of ordinary folks. Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg ran for his office on a promise to put Trump behind bars. He was elected and has delivered on that promise. This is a potent warning to all the enemies of our democracy that they will pay a price for defying the power of the people voters put in office." Bragg urged Judge Juan Merchan...
  • Senator Calls Opponent "Shady" [semi-satire]

    06/09/2024 11:25:04 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 June 2024 | John Semmens
    Facing the toughest election since his first win in 2006, Sen. Jon Tester (D-Mt) is investing $640,000 in an ad campaign aimed at convincing voters that his Republican opponent Tim Sheehy "will be a puppet for shady special interests. He's taking thousands of dollars from special interests. He won't be an independent voice for the common people of our state like I am." Ironically, lobbyists have donated more than $458,000 to Tester in the last two years making him the biggest Congressional recipient of lobbyist cash over for the time span. Tester was also the intended beneficiary of $6 million...
  • Military Urged to Prevent Trump's Election [semi-satire]

    06/08/2024 11:23:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 21 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 June 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, MSNBC's Donny Deutsch called for the US military "to intervene to prevent Trump's election this November. With polls showing that voters are becoming even more favorable toward Trump after his historic, first ever, felony conviction of a former president the situation couldn't be more dire. We need the brave leaders of our nation's elite armed forces to publicly urge voters to opt for reelecting President Biden." Deutsch contrasted "the noble service rendered by Biden heroically driving a tank in the Vietnam War to Donald Trump's 'medical exemption' from active duty. On the one hand, we have a man...
  • Hiding Covid Crimes [semi-satire]

    06/08/2024 1:09:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 9 June 2024 | John Semmens
    As viewers of the long-running Law & Order TV show have learned, intentionally trying to conceal a crime shows "knowledge of guilt." A person not intending to do wrong does not go to elaborate efforts to hide what he is doing. This was not the case with Dr. Anthony Fauci and his National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) associates in the events leading up to and during the covid pandemic. A slew of emails among these miscreants contain typos explicitly intended to thwart computer searches of these emails. This week in Congressional testimony, Scripps Research Institute immunologist Kristian...
  • More Problems with EVs [semi-satire]

    06/04/2024 10:48:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 June 2024 | John Semmens
    It is one thing to command that a nation or the world should shift to electric vehicles. A recent study from the University of Michigan found that to produce enough copper to electrify the global vehicle fleet, six new large copper mines would have to be dug each year for the next several decades. Professor Adam Simon, one of the authors of the study suggested that "building more hybrids is a better idea. They're less polluting and less costly than EVs." In an interview with host Margaret Brenna on CBS's Face the Nation, Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg asserted that...
  • Boston Mayor Calls for the Decriminalization of Crime [semi-satire]

    06/03/2024 8:42:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 June 2024 | John Semmens
    Mayor Michelle Wu (D) says, "separating out people who commit 'quality of life' thefts and putting them in prison makes the kind of unity that progressives seek for society impossible." Among the activities that the Mayor considers unworthy of punishment are trespassing, shoplifting, malicious destruction of property, physical threats, and breaking and entering. "Just because someone makes life difficult for you by breaking into your home and threatening to stab you is not sufficient cause for law-enforcement to hassle, pursue, and arrest these people," she said. "Who among us has not done something similar at some point in our lives?...
  • Bidenomics Better than Free Market [semi-satire]

    06/02/2024 9:57:42 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 June 2024 | John Semmens
    First Lady Jill Biden went on ABC's The View to urge voters "to choose good over evil when you cast your ballots. On the one hand we have Republicans backing the evil forces of the marketplace as the best model for growth and prosperity. Take the issue of inflation. It's been my observation that all the prices put on goods and services are placed there by human beings. If we want lower prices we must get these human beings to put lower-price tags on the merchandise. Joe is doing that. He told the CEOs of Walmart and Target that if...
  • Dem Touts Benefit of Free Palestine [semi-satire]

    06/01/2024 10:42:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 June 2024 | John Semmens
    Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) called the creation of a Free Palestinian state "the only feasible option for peace in the Middle East. Hamas is built on an idea. You can't kill an idea with bullets and bombs. We tried this in Vietnam, but the idea of communism couldn't be killed by US troops. Likewise, the idea of a free Palestine from the river to the sea can't be killed. Yielding to this idea is the only sensible." "Of course, this would mean that the occupying Jews must be eliminated," Bowman argued. "There are fewer than 16 million Jews in the...
  • "No One Is Above the Law" [semi-satire]

    06/01/2024 12:14:53 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 2 June 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, former President Trump was found guilty on 34 counts of trying to conceal "hush money" payments to porn actress Stormy Daniels after the 2016 election. Normally, the statute of limitations would have prevented the case from being brought, but New York state law was modified to allow this prosecution of Trump. Considering that Daniels accepted payment for agreeing to a perfectly legal Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) yet still went on to make defamatory charges against Trump it seems clear that nothing was "hushed up." Eight years ago the Federal Elections Commission decided that since the payments were made after...
  • People's Democracy vs. Fake Democracy Explained [semi-satire]

    05/29/2024 10:18:47 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    Alarmed that concern over the poor results of Bidenomics for the average American "could persuade enough voters to reject the people's democracy that our Party has been trying to establish in this country" House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) made an impassioned plea to voters "to stay the course with President Biden and give Democrats solid majorities in the House and Senate." Jeffries said "restoring the right of abortion granted to women by the US Supreme Court in its 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling is our key talking point. In its 2022 Dobbs ruling the Court negated this universal right...
  • "Why Should He?" [semi-satire]

    05/28/2024 9:40:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    Considering that the flood of illegal immigration into the US is not popular with voters, Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy asked Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre "why doesn't the President take executive action to enforce the existing laws against illegal entry into the country?" Her response was "why should he? He wants to bring in as many new immigrants as we can. Existing laws don't allow the kind of unrestricted entry that he wants to see. Until those laws are changed he's going to stick with what has worked since he reversed Trump's executive orders meant to enforce existing...
  • Washington Post Shifting to AI [semi-satire]

    05/27/2024 11:00:17 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    The Washington Post's CEO Will Lewis, announced that "we will be replacing most of our human reporters with artificial intelligence (AI). We are in a hole, and we have been for some time. It's clear that we cannot afford to continue as we have been. Many on our staff have already been submitting AI-generated text as their own work. They have, effectively, made themselves redundant. So, we are eliminating the middle men, their salaries, and their benefits. The electricity to run our AI is dirt-cheap by comparison." Recently, Google's AI has recommended "adding glue to pizza sauce" and suggested that...
  • "Hedonic" Adjustments to the CPI [semi-satire]

    05/26/2024 10:57:22 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    A spot check of fast food prices over the past five years shows prices rising much faster than the official Bureau of Labor Statistics' Consumer Price Index's 21% rise. Big Macs are 88% more costly. Taco Bell burritos are up 118%, and Chick-Fil A nuggets are up 96%. Erika McEntarfer, Commissioner of the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, explained that "we use a 'hedonic' adjustment factor to account for the technological improvements that make products more enjoyable. A simplistic comparison of a 2024 Bic Mac with a 2019 Big Mac fails to account for the value of the increased consumer...
  • Trump's Bronx Rally Called "Waste of Time" [semi-satire]

    05/25/2024 11:03:48 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, former President Trump held a campaign rally in the Bronx Borough of New York City. An estimated crowd of 25,000 enthusiastic fans attended. Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) called the attendees "clowns" and the rally "a waste of time." "Anyone who thinks that enthusiastic voters are going to decide this election is sadly mistaken," Hochul proclaimed. "In the 2020 election Trump had slews of rallies with tens of thousands of enthusiastic supporters. Then former Vice-President Biden had only a few dozen attendees at his infrequent campaign appearances. Yet, he easily defeated Trump when the votes were counted." "The secret...
  • October 7 Video "Defames Hamas" [semi-satire]

    05/25/2024 12:23:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 May 2024 | John Semmens
    At a hearing of the House Education and Workforce Committee, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Mn) sharply criticized University of California Los Angeles (UCLA) Chancellor Gene Block for allowing pro-Israel counter protesters on their campus to publicly show a video of the October 7 Hamas attack on Israeli civilians. "This one-sided, out-of-context view of beheaded babies, raped women and children, and slaughtered unarmed persons defamed the Muslims fighting to free Palestine from its Jewish oppressors," Omar asserted. "They made no effort to present Hamas' justification for the raid. The insinuation that targeting civilians is per se wrong overlooks the fact that Israeli...