MT. VERNON, VA — In a massive scandal upending centuries of historical beliefs, researchers have discovered that George Washington signed the vast majority of his orders with an auto-feather device. "After careful study and research of early American history, we've discovered a device called the 'Auto-Feather' that George Washington used to sign pretty much every one of his presidential orders," historian Fineas T. Barlow told the press. "We have even learned he used the auto-feather device to issue military orders and even to sign letters to his wife." Historians discovered the auto-feather while looking through an old storage cupboard in...