Babylon Bee.
Posted on 06/01/2025 12:18:28 PM PDT by DFG
MT. VERNON, VA — In a massive scandal upending centuries of historical beliefs, researchers have discovered that George Washington signed the vast majority of his orders with an auto-feather device.
"After careful study and research of early American history, we've discovered a device called the 'Auto-Feather' that George Washington used to sign pretty much every one of his presidential orders," historian Fineas T. Barlow told the press. "We have even learned he used the auto-feather device to issue military orders and even to sign letters to his wife."
Historians discovered the auto-feather while looking through an old storage cupboard in Mt. Vernon. They then found countless numbers of documents Washington is thought to have signed with the device, including a few dubious pardons he made on his way out of office for family members and close friends. Experts are now calling into question the legal validity of those pardons.
"Washington signed the pardon for his son Hunterias Washington using the auto-feather, which may have been invalid," Barlow said. "If that's the case, Hunterias's corpse may be exhumed and charged with a litany of felonies. To be honest, I kind of want to see that."
At publishing time, experts had also discovered that Washington stored a large number of boxes of classified documents in his carriage house next to his vintage red buggy.
Gotta love the 🐝
Indeed MSM offended most for taking their line of work.
I’ve heard King Tut’s handlers had an auto-chisel. This goes deeper than we know.
Pretty funny.
In Jules Verne’s 1863 novel Paris in the Twentieth Century” ( “Paris au XXe siècle” he had a “facsimile telegraph” (as Verne called it) allowing for the transmission of images across distances. Someone could write and impulses sent out would allow a machine’s pen to duplicate the motions in the other location.
That made me really LOL....
😆That picture of George Washington sitting there with the contraption and the quill pen!
🤣
Auto quill
He never mentioned it on his Facebook page, which is exactly what a guilty person would do.
The real shocker is that Hamilton was using the auto-feather to sign documents Washington wasn’t even told about. Revolution? What revolution?
Clapping wildly. Made my evening.
Where can I get an auto quill?
Would be great tease toy for my cat, give me time to maybe even wash the dishes.
It’s very funny BUT, the precursor to the auto pen was actually used by Jefferson in 1803. More like device that let him sign multiple documents at once.
Babylon Bee.
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