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Activists Push For California Schools To Teach 'Girl Math'
Babylon Bee ^ | July 9, 2026 | BB Staff

Posted on 07/10/2026 8:32:10 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom

SACRAMENTO, CA — Buoyed by recent efforts to teach "Black English" in California schools, a new coalition of activists demanded that "Girl Math" be officially incorporated into the state's K-12 math curriculum.

The Girl Math Liberation Front argued that traditional mathematics had been oppressively logical, binary, and dominated by dead white men like Pythagoras for far too long. Instead, they want classrooms to embrace a more inclusive, emotionally intelligent approach rooted in female financial intuition and vibes.

"For too long, the patriarchy has forced us to accept that two plus two equals four," said Karen Klipper, a 7th-grade math teacher and coalition spokesperson. "But what if two plus two is actually five if it's on sale? What if buying a $200 Sephora haul with a gift card you found in your purse makes the entire purchase free? These are the kind of real-world problems our girls need to solve."

Under the proposal, classic word problems about trains leaving stations at different speeds would be replaced with more relevant scenarios:

"Math shouldn't be about finding the ‘right' answer," Klipper added. "It should be about making sure every student feels seen, validated, and able to justify whatever they want on their credit card statement."

At publishing time, the Girl Math Liberation Front had joined forces with Black English advocates to create a groundbreaking new program called "Woke Numeracy and Linguistics," which will finally dismantle the white cis-hetero oppression of both math and grammar once and for all.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; blackenglish; girlmath; humor; satire

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In case you missed it, here's the back story from yesterday...

Woke activists push for 'Black English' to be taught in Democrat state's preschools to combat 'harmful language hierarchies'

1 posted on 07/10/2026 8:32:10 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

“The Girl Math Liberation Front”

This is insane. Math is great because it’s true no matter what gender you are. Math doesn’t care.


2 posted on 07/10/2026 8:35:44 AM PDT by Kleon
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

WTF kind of insanity is this?


3 posted on 07/10/2026 8:36:41 AM PDT by Agatsu77
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To: Agatsu77

The Babylon Bee. Satire. Funny as crap because it’s making fun of a real news story about schools wanting to teach Black English.


4 posted on 07/10/2026 8:39:44 AM PDT by Tell It Right (1 Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom
The Bee needed more Valley Girls in their photo...

Wow, way back in 1992! Time sure does fly.


5 posted on 07/10/2026 8:40:22 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: Kleon

Check the source!


6 posted on 07/10/2026 8:41:31 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom
More Girl Math word problems:

1. Is it a better deal to upgrade my phone for free if I'm still locked in a 2-year contract?

2. How much is a $10 meal sent to me by Uber Eats for another $15 is saving me versus taking my work-avoiding boyfriend out for dinner?

3. How much do I have to spend on purple hair color to make more money as an influencer?

7 posted on 07/10/2026 8:43:06 AM PDT by Tell It Right (1 Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

“At publishing time, the Girl Math Liberation Front had joined forces with Black English advocates to create a groundbreaking new program called “Woke Numeracy and Linguistics,” which will finally dismantle the white cis-hetero oppression of both math and grammar once and for all.” Is this story real?


8 posted on 07/10/2026 8:43:50 AM PDT by kawhill (Dywedwch Wrthbym because + Add translation Welsh-English dictionary 'Tell Us')
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To: Tell It Right

4. If I have checks in my check book, does my balance matter.


9 posted on 07/10/2026 8:49:52 AM PDT by Mouton (There is a new sheriff and deputy in town now! )
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

10 posted on 07/10/2026 8:50:34 AM PDT by algore ( )
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To: Kleon

Oh, thank God it’s the Bee!!


11 posted on 07/10/2026 8:53:04 AM PDT by jagusafr
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Girl Math Matters!


12 posted on 07/10/2026 8:53:24 AM PDT by Mark (DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Very close to being stung by the Bee.
Girl Math: 1+2= “Whatever”


13 posted on 07/10/2026 8:54:02 AM PDT by Zathras
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

It’s getting more and more difficult to separate Bee articles from real life stories.


14 posted on 07/10/2026 8:55:20 AM PDT by AlaskaErik (There are three kinds of rats: Rats, Damned Rats, and DemocRats.)
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To: Agatsu77

It’s from the Bee.

The babylon bee used to be a satirical website, but here lately, they have been closer to the truth than any other news site.


15 posted on 07/10/2026 8:57:18 AM PDT by Texas resident ( We finally have an American President again)
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To: Agatsu77

Babylon Bee Insanity. They got you!


16 posted on 07/10/2026 9:01:37 AM PDT by Fai Mao
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To: Fai Mao

Comes in handy in a divorce.


17 posted on 07/10/2026 9:04:02 AM PDT by DIRTYSECRET
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To: kawhill

The “Black English” part is real. I provided links to the story that came out just yesterday.

The “Girl Math” is a parody of that.


18 posted on 07/10/2026 9:04:30 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom
They could teach dog math.

If you have been given three treats and your bowl is full, you are actually being starved.

Or cat math, if you feel a hair ball coming on the correct place to run to is to the one small hand knotted rug that is over 100 years old, not the 9X12 that was $49 at Ollies three years ago.

Perhaps bird math, if you are a Blue Jay at the feeder and a black cap chickadee comes near you should jump on it and peck it's eyes out.

19 posted on 07/10/2026 9:34:16 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (The tree accused of killed Sonny Bono was planted.)
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To: Fai Mao

Got me too! One day I will learn to check the source first..... Nah!


20 posted on 07/10/2026 9:49:04 AM PDT by Seruzawa ("The political left is the Garden of Eden of incompetence." -Marx the Smarter (Groucho.))
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