Posted on 07/10/2026 8:32:10 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
SACRAMENTO, CA — Buoyed by recent efforts to teach "Black English" in California schools, a new coalition of activists demanded that "Girl Math" be officially incorporated into the state's K-12 math curriculum.
The Girl Math Liberation Front argued that traditional mathematics had been oppressively logical, binary, and dominated by dead white men like Pythagoras for far too long. Instead, they want classrooms to embrace a more inclusive, emotionally intelligent approach rooted in female financial intuition and vibes.
"For too long, the patriarchy has forced us to accept that two plus two equals four," said Karen Klipper, a 7th-grade math teacher and coalition spokesperson. "But what if two plus two is actually five if it's on sale? What if buying a $200 Sephora haul with a gift card you found in your purse makes the entire purchase free? These are the kind of real-world problems our girls need to solve."
Under the proposal, classic word problems about trains leaving stations at different speeds would be replaced with more relevant scenarios:
"Math shouldn't be about finding the ‘right' answer," Klipper added. "It should be about making sure every student feels seen, validated, and able to justify whatever they want on their credit card statement."
At publishing time, the Girl Math Liberation Front had joined forces with Black English advocates to create a groundbreaking new program called "Woke Numeracy and Linguistics," which will finally dismantle the white cis-hetero oppression of both math and grammar once and for all.
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“The Girl Math Liberation Front”
This is insane. Math is great because it’s true no matter what gender you are. Math doesn’t care.
WTF kind of insanity is this?
The Babylon Bee. Satire. Funny as crap because it’s making fun of a real news story about schools wanting to teach Black English.



Wow, way back in 1992! Time sure does fly.
Check the source!
1. Is it a better deal to upgrade my phone for free if I'm still locked in a 2-year contract?
2. How much is a $10 meal sent to me by Uber Eats for another $15 is saving me versus taking my work-avoiding boyfriend out for dinner?
3. How much do I have to spend on purple hair color to make more money as an influencer?
“At publishing time, the Girl Math Liberation Front had joined forces with Black English advocates to create a groundbreaking new program called “Woke Numeracy and Linguistics,” which will finally dismantle the white cis-hetero oppression of both math and grammar once and for all.” Is this story real?
4. If I have checks in my check book, does my balance matter.
Oh, thank God it’s the Bee!!
Girl Math Matters!
Very close to being stung by the Bee.
Girl Math: 1+2= “Whatever”
It’s getting more and more difficult to separate Bee articles from real life stories.
It’s from the Bee.
The babylon bee used to be a satirical website, but here lately, they have been closer to the truth than any other news site.
Babylon Bee Insanity. They got you!
Comes in handy in a divorce.
The “Black English” part is real. I provided links to the story that came out just yesterday.
The “Girl Math” is a parody of that.
If you have been given three treats and your bowl is full, you are actually being starved.
Or cat math, if you feel a hair ball coming on the correct place to run to is to the one small hand knotted rug that is over 100 years old, not the 9X12 that was $49 at Ollies three years ago.
Perhaps bird math, if you are a Blue Jay at the feeder and a black cap chickadee comes near you should jump on it and peck it's eyes out.
Got me too! One day I will learn to check the source first..... Nah!
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