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Uh-Oh: Biden Authorizes Ukraine To Use Holy Hand Grenade Against Russia
The Bee ^ | Nov 20, 2024 | The Bee

Posted on 11/21/2024 10:29:21 AM PST by dayglored

WORLD — In the most significant escalation yet of America's involvement, President Biden has authorized Ukraine to use the Holy Hand Grenade in battle against the Russians.

With time in his presidency running short, Biden has announced authorization for Ukraine to use long-range American missile, anti-personnel mines, and now the Holy Hand Grenade.

"Just remember to count to three, Jack," said Biden as he called President Zelenskyy to share the news. "Yes, you pull the Holy Pin, and start counting. Not two, not four. Oh, and five is right out, bub. Not a joke. Lob that grenade of Anti, Anti... well, anyway."

Though both sides have attempted to avoid an outright conflict between the U.S. and Russia, Putin has warned that the use of the Holy Hand Grenade may leave him no choice. "He will feel the wrath of Mother Russia," said Putin. "We will not stand idle to be blown to tiny bits by a Holy Hand Grenade. We have witnessed its destructive power, and have our entire nuclear arsenal at the ready to respond in kind."

At publishing time, use of the Holy Hand Grenade had been delayed until Biden could locate the official instructions in the Book of Armaments.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; biden; holyhandgrenade; satire
Finally, at last!
1 posted on 11/21/2024 10:29:21 AM PST by dayglored
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To: dayglored
"One, two, FIVE!"

"Three, sir!"

"THREE!"

2 posted on 11/21/2024 10:33:50 AM PST by Frank Drebin (And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!)
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To: dayglored

This must be an allusion to something that I am unaware.... Is the Holy Hand Grenade a reference to a movie or something? Sounds Monty Python-esque.


3 posted on 11/21/2024 10:34:58 AM PST by Damifino (The true measure of a man is found in what he would do if he knew no one would ever find out.)
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To: Damifino

Never mind. Google is my friend. It is Monty Python


4 posted on 11/21/2024 10:36:15 AM PST by Damifino (The true measure of a man is found in what he would do if he knew no one would ever find out.)
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To: Damifino

One of the best parts of the Holy Grail movie.


5 posted on 11/21/2024 10:37:30 AM PST by wally_bert (I cannot be sure for certain, but in my personal opinion I am certain that I am not sure..)
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To: Damifino
The Holy Hand Grenade
6 posted on 11/21/2024 10:38:19 AM PST by Sicon ("All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." - G. Orwell)
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To: wally_bert

My stepdaughter loved bunnies and thought the scene of him killing the knights was funny.


7 posted on 11/21/2024 10:39:43 AM PST by packagingguy
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To: Damifino
Biden himself is so Monty Python-esque.
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing
And
Always look on the bright side of life
(Come on)
Always look on the right side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin
Give the audience a grin
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow
So always look on the bright side of death
A just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughin' as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life
8 posted on 11/21/2024 10:40:24 AM PST by BigEdLB ( Let’s go Brandon)
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To: packagingguy

The first time I saw this movie, my friends and I were in tears laughing when the rabbit attacked.


9 posted on 11/21/2024 10:41:41 AM PST by Sicon ("All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others." - G. Orwell)
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To: BigEdLB

I like the North Korean Version....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0


10 posted on 11/21/2024 10:43:56 AM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: dfwgator

LOL Thanks!


11 posted on 11/21/2024 10:45:26 AM PST by BigEdLB ( Let’s go Brandon)
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To: dayglored

Putin will fart in Biden’s general direction


12 posted on 11/21/2024 10:45:34 AM PST by PGR88
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To: dayglored
Funny,

What is less talked about, of the 6 ATACMS fired, 5 were intercepted by Russian air defense and it appears even the last was damaged and while it struck “something,” it may not have hit the intended target with the needed accuracy, or detonated effectively, to have the desired effect on its target.

0:6, maybe if you want to make the argument, we have 1:6.

While not as humorous, you almost wish Ukraine hadn't fired those things off and made a joke of us and our “wonder weapons.”

There can be only two reasons for what we're trying to accomplish (that I can think of):

1. Intentionally create a situation where a negotiated peace is less likely.

2. Create more favorable conditions for a negotiated settlement since we know this is coming to an end soon.

I would guess this is number 2, but seeing how it was entirely ineffective, even though it's an escalation to the situation by introducing new capabilities on the Ukrainian side to strike deep into Russia with a weapon system that theoretically has some punch (unlike the Ukrainian small drone attacks), it won't make a difference.

13 posted on 11/21/2024 10:54:03 AM PST by Red6
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To: dayglored

OH NO!!!!!!!

NOT The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!.................


14 posted on 11/21/2024 11:01:13 AM PST by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegals are put up in 5 Star hotels....................)
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To: Frank Drebin

Five is right out.


15 posted on 11/21/2024 11:05:13 AM PST by WeaslesRippedMyFlesh
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To: dayglored

Where are the Globohomos going to get anything that’s holy?


16 posted on 11/21/2024 11:40:03 AM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire, or both.)
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To: dayglored

We’d better consult the Book of Armaments...


17 posted on 11/21/2024 11:48:36 AM PST by Thunder 6 (Panzer, los geht's!)
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To: All

I wish I could laugh over this.


18 posted on 11/21/2024 11:59:36 AM PST by LegendHasIt
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To: dayglored

The Holy Hand Grenade? THE Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch??? Oh, my! It’s one of the holy relics Brother Maynard carries! Pull the pin; lob that thing by the count of THREE; and your enemies shall surely snuff it!


19 posted on 11/21/2024 12:12:39 PM PST by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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