Revised Hospital Chart Has Patients Rate Pain On Scale From Zero To Watching 'The View'

The Babylon Bee ^ | April 22, 2023 | The Babylon Bee

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

U.S. — The American Medical Association has officially added "The View" to its pain scale to help patients better understand what is meant by the term "worst pain possible."

"In that case, I guess my pain is a nine," said trauma patient Bill Reynolds, whose femur was currently lodged in his own spleen. "Please change the channel."

With "The View" as a comparison, the pain rating of horrific injuries has fallen dramatically. "Sure, my skull is shattered - but that seems about half as bad as watching 'The View', so I'll go with a five," said car wreck survivor Glenn Higgins. "In retrospect, I really oversold how bad it hurt when my arm got caught in that wood-chipper. That was more like an eight."

For years, frustrated clinicians have dealt with errant public understanding of what true, ten-out-of-ten pain feels like. "If you aren't willing to gouge your own eyes out to make the pain stop, it's not a ten," said emergency physician Dr. Kim Bradford. "It's hard to communicate to patients what we mean by that kind of agony, other than watching 'The View'. It's been a really helpful update to our pain scale."

At publishing time, the AMA was considering changing the number nine slot to "listening to Kamala Harris laugh".

[DugwayDuke]

Being asked to rate pain on a 1-10 (or watching the view) has never made sense to me. I always answer that I have no idea how to do that. Of course, my pain threshold is rather high. I can have major surgery and tylenol is fine.

[KarlInOhio]

Maybe someone with some graphics skill can add a little stick figure version of The View set to frame 4 or 5.

[super7man]

I use the Zero to Stepping On a LEGO Scale.

[grame]

The McGill pain scale goes to 50. Right above digit amputation is CRPS/RSD. I have RSD and it is not uncommon for me to rate my pain at 20. Not many treatments will touch the nerve pain. It’s been around since the Civil War when the called it causalgia.

I couldn’t risk watching the view. Just hearing news reports of what they say makes me cringe!

[Nifster]

Now that’s just plain funny

[Nifster]

When I broke my hip I told them my pain was 100. I was 10” percent in need of pain meds

[SunkenCiv]

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[GOPJ]

"In retrospect, I really oversold how bad it hurt when my arm got caught in that wood-chipper. That was more like an eight."

LOL