Posted on 01/21/2022 8:01:44 AM PST by dayglored
Microsoft just purchased Activision and wasted no time in unveiling a bunch of promising new upcoming titles. Here they are:
1. Minesweeper: Modern Warfare - An action-packed first-person mine defusing game. You'll even get to play multiplayer, where 13-year-old kids will insult your mother for not defusing the mines quickly enough.
2. Tony Hawk's Excel - Forget spreadsheets: it's time for SHREDsheets! Basically just Excel with Tony Hawk instead of Clippy.
3. World of Warcraft: Wrath of Clippy - This exciting expansion has Clippy take over Azeroth, but he's just a minor annoyance really. He's no Lich King.
4. Bill Gates' Divorce Simulator - Also basically just Excel.
5. Call of Duty: Forced Vaccination Squad - The next exciting COD game will have you playing as Bill Gates going door to door forcing people to take the vaccine.
6. Call of Duty: Forced Vaccination Squad 2023 Student Edition XP - Same thing but costs $99 more and has fewer features.
7. Candy Crash - Candy Crush but you know. It crashes.
8. Guitar Hero: Vista - All the exciting fun of Guitar Hero, but it loads slower, isn't as good, and you know. It crashes.
9. Diablo IV: Blue Screen Of Death - You must stop the forces of hell from unleashing blue screens of death across the world. And it crashes.
10. Crash Bandicoot: Epstein's Island - Oh no! Crash is getting into more wacky hijinks breaking boxes and being just generally a radical dude on Epstein Island. You'd think this one would crash, but it's surprisingly stable.
11. StarCraft: Space Cadet 3D Pinball - Microsoft is putting the StarCraft IP to good use with this reboot of a classic Windows game.
12. Zune Hero - Guitar Hero but now you can plug in your Zune to jam to your own tunes. Fun and convenient!
13. Call of Duty: Modern Solitaire - It's just solitaire but when you lose you get inspiring quotes about war and blood pours down your screen.
14. Call of Duty: Modern Solitaire III: Revenge of Jeff Bezos - Same except the final boss is Jeff Bezos.
15. An untitled WarCraft game where you just have to keep restarting your computer to apply updates - We can't wait for this one!
16. Spyro the Dragon Dies of COVID - This is more of an interactive edutainment story, but it has a powerful message.
17. A big-budget, $300-million, 4K reboot of Zork - Finally, something we're interested in. Bring on more Zork!
You can't make this stuff up!
I like the Bee
Bee Ping.
“6. Call of Duty: Forced Vaccination Squad 2023 Student Edition XP - Same thing but costs $99 more and has fewer features.”
~~~
Wow! Nice touch BB. That just about captures microsoft perfectly
19. Castle Wolfenstein, Jabs: The classic 3-D shooter up has a mission in Austria to enforce mandatory covid vaccinations.
20. Monster Truck Madness, Part DOS: How do Bigfoot and Carolina Crusher fare as EV's?
LOLOLOL!.........................
Microsoft is doing great these days. This is why they are basically giving away Windows 11 as freeware. It was kinda like this Windows 10 too.
It is so easy to slap Win 11 on a machine these days. 8th gen Intel and after...the Windows key is embedded in the bios. So just get Win 11 onto your flash drive, direct from Microsoft website. And put it on your computer. I never upgrade. I do clean installation.
Prior to 8th gen Intel... I think some of those computers also have the Windows key embedded in the bios.
Though when you build your own. No Windows key in the bios. These days I buy from Dell or HP, then add an NVMe boot drive and more memory. 16gb mem is what I want for Windoze 10 and 11.
Who could ever forget those early single-floppy-drive systems?!?
Not that dual-floppies was much better....
I thought Windows itself was an adventure game. You are navigating a strange semi-real, semi-artificial world where updates are pushed to you without your consent. Previously working programs suddenly stop. Features randomly appear, disappear, or move around on programs. 30% of your CPU cycles are taken away for anti-virus protection. The first two steps to solve any problem are “save everything, then reboot.” Windows tries so hard to “help” you it reminds you of that Aunt from Minnesota that won’t stop offering you food - you literally have to refuse at least 3 times. Free disk space seem to evaporate. Edge says “all your CPU cycles and memory belong to us” while Chrome comes along and says “Really? Hold my beer...”
Elder Depends: Vatican. An ancient Joe Biden is unleashed in the Vatican. Can you find the legendary Box of Depends and bring it to him in time to save the carpeting? Rated M for Mature.
It still took a while to boot up, but from then on floppy disks were just backups or if I needed to boot in a different OS.
For a while I had 3 OS choices and two of them were on the hard drive. LOL
Dues Ex: woke edition. Fight as any one gender, or even as several different genders at onceif,once if, like.
That way when things get rough, you can cry and demand a safe space to reboot your emotions and regroup with all you fellow meltdown victims in one big happy rubber room... with los of puppies, kleenex, and support badgers
LOL. "You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building..."
LOL. “You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building...”
~~~
A wild paperclip on a bicycle appears
Hilarious
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