Posted on 11/24/2020 7:00:22 PM PST by BipolarBob
SALEM, OR—To prepare for the influx of Thanksgiving rulebreakers, Oregon Governor Kate Brown has ordered all drug dealers to be freed from prison to make room for all the families who violate COVID restrictions.
"Drugs are legal now anyway," said Governor Brown. "I hereby pardon all drug offenders currently doing time in Oregon prisons. I can do that right? Whatever -- I'm doing it. The real menaces to society are the families who try to gather with their loved ones to share food and give thanks. These violent science-deniers must be stopped!"
According to sources, Oregon State Police have been ordered to go door to door and round up all families trying to celebrate Thanksgiving. Any person or persons not found alone on a couch crying into a clamshell container of take-out food will be arrested on the spot.
Governor Brown has assured the public that this zero-tolerance policy will do something "very important and science-y" to stop the spread of bad sicknesses.
"Losing Thanksgiving isn't a huge loss anyway," said Governor Brown. "Thankfulness makes people feel content which can inhibit social progress. We can't have that! If we're lucky we'll find a reason to cancel it next year too!"
Nope, me either.
Not even funny, even for the Bee.
The Deplorable DemocRATs fell all powerful.
Too close to the truth
Fell = feel
They got me again.
heh heh
Love those guys.
Took me a minute to see it was the Bee! That’s how crazy thing are.
I’d like to see them go for Uncle Bill before he’s had his second helping of stuffing with gravy!
He once took on a Grizzly with just a P-38 can opener and won.
Oregon just decriminalized hard drugs--but the biggest public health problem is apparently family gatherings to eat too much turkey.
And, as much as I want to heap scorn and derision on dim-witted Democrats, we have jerkoffs like the RINO Governor of Maryland making an ass of himself too.
BBee...had me going for a minute there BB.
It is the truth. The Babylon Bee just wrote it up to make it sound funny.
The state police, however, will not be going door to door. Kate Brown has told people to call the police if they see their neighbors violating her edicts.
Today’s satire is tomorrow’s news.
Nice try, BB, but that’s not satire.
“He once took on a Grizzly with just a P-38 can opener and won.”
Was his P-38 a new one right from the paper package or an old dull one with a bit of rust on the ‘prong’?
EATERS!
WIt....
I thought the BB was supposed to be satire.
What are they doing giving the dem overlords more ideas????
Even if a farce, this piece could have included Gov. Brown MIGHT be releasing, according to Russian collusion conspiracy theorists, one of her drug suppliers (I release, you don’t talk).
She sounds like she’s on drugs anyway, just like that psychopath Mayor Wheeler of Portland and Gov. Wit-less of Michigan. Cuomo is beyond words except maybe “crypto-fascist, mafia-wannabe, psychopath, and TV hog”.
Sometimes “fiction” is more accurate than the truth and when it comes to the “truth”, Democrats/liberals/progressives and Marxists (but I repeat myself) long ago abandoned it in their quest for authoritarian power, which many have gotten.
Again, fiction above may also be closer to the truth than what the mainstream media pukes out as the “truth, facts, and RUSSIAN COLLUSION”.
George Orwell is puking in his coffin, and with good cause.
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