Posted on 02/16/2020 8:03:42 PM PST by madison10
This is swirling in my brain and there seems to be no good answer:
I am executor of my parents' estate. My mom passed away less than a month ago. In order to distribute the estate according to the will the farm property (and probably house) will have to be sold...or something.
Problem 1: the property has been in the family over 150 years. No one in the family farms it. We are at the end of progeny who "might" want to farm it. The one possibility is in high school still. All of the adult children but one live adjacent to the property.
Problem 2: one sibling who cared for our parents (sibling received a regular paycheck from parents for their care and lived with parents) currently lives in the family home. Said sibling is single, almost 50, has trouble walking due to arthritis, and now has no job. The fourth home "on" the property is where the sibling lives.
Problem 3:The house is 44 years old and has not been updated much. The yard is probably at least three acres to mow. Honestly, I am not sure the other siblings would want to buy the house or are able. It needs fixing up for sure.
The dilemma is: what would YOU suggest occur? There seems to be no answer in my brain. There is the business side of this, but the emotional/legacy side is tearing me up. Not sleeping a ton.
Thank you, oh wise ones.
You could divide the land into parcels to sell and keep the house as long as your sibling needs it.
probably no inkling at all, he was a member of her church, all are like him, I would hope not are some, I imagine so.
“I am caring for my 90yr old mom”
You are doing the right thing! But as you said, can be very difficult especially if other siblings don’t help.
Just know your efforts and care for your mom will be rewarded — knowing that you did all you could for her will give you peace in your heart when she’s gone; and then also the Lord will reward you at His judgment.
For what it’s worth, my Step-father, who has a sister, is keeping the family farm and renting the house. His arrangement is for a local farmer to sharecrop. I think he (farmer) gets 1/3 of the profits from the crops. (negotiating how expenses and taxes are paid would be important...)
Having said that, there is no resistance, that I know of, from any of the family, and he knows the local farmers, who do their best to look after his interests.
That is what we two sisters are trying to tell the arthritic sib. Said sib would be so FREE now as far as time and responsibilities go. Just needs a decent job...as inheritance will not last forever.
You are doing the right thing! But as you said, can be very difficult especially if other siblings don’t help.
We have/had a lawyer who insisted that my parents set up a "Care Agreement" with my sibling. Sib received a paycheck, took out/paid taxes, SS, Medicare, etc. Now there is an employment record PLUS my dad, bless his heart, was helping sibling out, but did not recognize just what care involved and that is was worth A GREAT DEAL.
He always said sib was caring for my mom, not recognizing that HE needed care as well.
So the arthritic sib wants to stay where she is, not work, and, what, be on disability?
Yes, the care given is not just physical work but emotionally draining. It’s not easy to daily and up close watch your parents decline...and did I mention daily and up close?
Some folks who’ve never done it may make light of it, brush it off as not that difficult. But that just shows their complete lack of understanding (and probably compassion).
I’m glad your sister was paid, that was helpful. What she did was worth far more than a paycheck! I’m glad you recognize that.
First, check the zoning. How many homes can be built there? The land may provide a whole new neighborhood for your town. When negotiating a sale with a developer, provide for a life estate in one of the new homes for the handicapped sibling.
The value can be based on an “as is” sale, that is, the developer closes on the property and takes all the risk regarding approvals and infrastructure requirements. That brings the lowest price, but more quickly than a sale “subject to approvals”. In a “subject to” sale the buyer applies for approvals and closes when they are granted. But that is time-consuming and if approvals are denied he may cancel the contract.
Another alternative is for the family members to invest the money and time to obtain the approvals and sell the approved parcels as ready to go. This will bring the best sale price but will require spending fund to have the work done.
All of this is subject to the state of the housing market in your locality, of course. Easy in a strong market, tough in a slow one.
The Sib is in the process of trying to work from home. Has the education. Sib cannot stand or walk much due to pain. Has not attempted disability yet, although Sib was encouraged to check.
Sib WAS working for parents as in home nurse (has the training/degree), but that ended abruptly when parent passed. The home will just be TOO much. I could sell my current home and not have the $$$ for upkeep of house and yard. (plus I am over ten years older than Sib, other Sibs having been helping out with labor, but that will stop)
I think so. Once, a lawyer gave me an invoice. I asked for the detailed invoice. He said no one ever asks for that. He gave it anyway. I was shocked to see that every single phone call was charged, even those phone calls when he wasn't in.
Another lawyer took a ride to see a property because he wanted to see it yet he didn't need to. He charged me for that ride.
Now, even if I see our family lawyer on the street, I avoid him. I'm scared he'll charge me just for saying "hello!"
There is a joke about a lawyer who thought he saw a client across the street and crossed over to say “Hello”. The lawyer then realized that he was mistaken and the fellow he saw was not his client at all. But the lawyer still sent his client a bill for the trip across the street and for the trip back.
I can understand wanting to work from home!
Thank you! That is a lot of good info.
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Another lawyer took a ride to see a property because he wanted to see it yet he didn't need to. He charged me for that ride.
And after that FIRST meeting you STILL didn't ask him AHEAD of time if there would be charges? I think you might be a BIT naive there, especially after the first go-round.
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Now, even if I see our family lawyer on the street, I avoid him. I'm scared he'll charge me just for saying "hello!"
Well, if he is still your "family lawyer" then I blame YOU and your family for CONTINUING to retain a lawyer who overcharges you over and over and over and over...KNOWING that you will be too WEAK to do anything about him.
And I don't suppose it EVER occurred to you to get a COMPLETELY different lawyer. Boy, are you a PATSY waiting to be fleeced.
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LEARN TO READ AND COMPREHEND.
Those were three separate lawyers.
NO NEED TO BE RUDE
Learn some manners.
Your mom’s been gone less than a month? That seems to me much too soon to be making such important decisions. You’re all still grieving. Why not give everyone a few months to heal emotionally before trying to settle the estate?
I sympathize with your anxiety, and I appreciate your desire to do the right thing by everyone. But as a single, middle-aged caregiver myself, I absolutely ache for your sibling. Caregiving is an all-consuming, often harrowing, 24/7 responsibility that ends only with tremendous loss. Now here she is, alone, exhausted, ill, and faced with losing her home. She must be dealing with unimaginable pain and fear right now. Please, set the money worries aside for a while and make sure she’s okay.
Sell the farm. Split the proceeds and move on. Can the house be moved? We have flag pole properties here. Little frontage but property in back.
I know it seems soon. I am feeling a little rushed by another family member. Although, because I did not live in _____ville as I dubbed the area where they all lived, I have not been as involved with my mother's death/care and emotionally I can sort of separate myself from the property. I think we are rushing DUE to the grief, at least two of us are. That is how we are dealing with it. You gave fantastic advice. Wonder how I can work out a delay...
Your sibling has probably gotten used to being unable to plan for the weekend, and now she's suddenly supposed to plan the rest of her life. She probably needs time to rebuild the self-care skills that she lost while caring for others.
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