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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 12/11/2015 4:52:42 AM PST by Lucky9teen

Who's naughty? Who's nice?

1.This elf who's clearly had too much to drink.

2.This elf who won't hesitate to murder some Barbie dolls.

3.This elf who watched Silence of the Lambs one too many times.

4.This elf who quit gift-making to become a ladies' man.

5.This elf who's feeling a bit devious.

6.This elf who didn't think twice before he put his you know what in a box.

7.This narcissistic elf.

8.This elf who wants to make angels.

9.This elf who has taken the game of tag too far.

10.This elf who has an addiction problem.

11.This elf who's enjoying his white privilege.

12.This elf who likes a good office prank.





TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: christmas; elfontheshelf; santa; silliness
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To: Dacula

“Hey, Tony. Watcha doin?”

“I’m watching another old movie I found from the early 21st century timeframe.”

“Really? What’s it called?”

“It’s called ‘Terminator.’ It’s another of those ‘future’ movies where in the future machines are at war with humans. They send one back in time to kill the mother of the only human who has been effective at fighting the machines.”

“Machines at war with humans? What a ridiculous plot idea. The humans didn’t last a year after we put them out of work. Well, there are those pockets of hunter-gatherers but they’re not worth fighting.”

“I know. Makes you wonder if anyone was really thinking about what would happen when they created machine intelligence.”


61 posted on 12/11/2015 6:43:42 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Dacula

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.


62 posted on 12/11/2015 6:43:48 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

A. Hose A and Hose B


63 posted on 12/11/2015 6:45:13 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

My brother’s wife finaly delivered and you’ll never guess what. Twins! A beautiful baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. He asked me to name them.

I named the girl Denise.

I named the boy Denephew.


64 posted on 12/11/2015 6:48:04 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Dacula

Q. What does Santa like to do in the garden?

A. Hoe, hoe, hoe!


65 posted on 12/11/2015 6:48:38 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

A: Snowflakes.


66 posted on 12/11/2015 6:49:11 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?

A: In the snow bank.


67 posted on 12/11/2015 6:49:39 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!!


68 posted on 12/11/2015 6:50:48 AM PST by TADSLOS (A Ted Cruz Happy Warrior! GO TED!)
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To: ArGee

Speaking of names, this is an honestly true story.

We met a young man from our Church named God’s Child. They called him GC. We asked about the name. He told us his mom had intended to name him something else. (I can’t remember what it was so I’ll use Henry.) She filled out the paperwork with Henry in as his first name.

The hospital was Catholic, and when the signed form came back to her it said, “God’s Child Henry” on the form. God’s Child was pre-printed. She decided it was a miracle and she was supposed to call him God’s Child. He’s been called that all his life.


69 posted on 12/11/2015 6:53:01 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Dacula

A middle aged woman was teeing off for a round of golf when she toppled over after swinging too hard.

The foursome waiting on the tee happened to include President Obama.

Reacting quickly, Obama adroitly ran to the woman and helped her up.

She thanked him and began to re-tee her ball, when Obama said, “By the way, I’m Barack

Obama and I sure hope you voted for me.”

She smiled and replied, “I fell on my butt, not on my head.”


70 posted on 12/11/2015 6:54:57 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?

A. None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you.


71 posted on 12/11/2015 6:59:09 AM PST by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: ArGee

WOW, sounds like that windfall really lifted your spirits.
I’ll tell you what, I’m in a giving mood for Christmas... and since that gesture made you so happy, I think I will contribute my own little act of kindness and donate to your good fortune as well.
No, no, don’t try to talk me out of it... it makes me feel good to give a little Christmas cheer. Just send me your bank account information and it will be my pleasure.
Merry Christmas


72 posted on 12/11/2015 7:10:53 AM PST by envisio (I ain't here long... I'm out of napalm and .22 bullets.)
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To: envisio

OK. You’re in line right behind this sweet lady named Debbie. I can’t exactly remember her last name, “Washerwoman-Schultz” or something.

Anyway, as soon as she’s finished making her deposit...


73 posted on 12/11/2015 7:32:04 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: ArGee

74 posted on 12/11/2015 7:36:48 AM PST by Moltke
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To: envisio

Here’s the email I got.

Dear ArGee,

As you know, the Democratic National Committee is all about helping the little guy in every way we can. We think we’ve found a new way to help you.

Many of our donors offer their estates in the event of their death. One such donor unfortunately died intestate and with no next of kin. Since you have the same last name we want to present you as the next of kin. All you have to do is agree that our donor agreed to live his entire estate to the DNC and we will give you 10%. As the estate was over $1 billion your portion will be a significant.

All we need is your bank account number and your agreement to appear if the court should request it. We’ll take care of the rest of the details.

Sincerely,
Debbie Wasserman Schultz
DNC Chairwoman


75 posted on 12/11/2015 7:37:08 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: Dacula

Obama’s reply: “Well, I guess you’re not a Democrat, then. That’s where their brains are.”


76 posted on 12/11/2015 7:39:10 AM PST by ArGee (War can be quick or (relatively) painless, but not both.)
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To: xp38
Well then, we need to change that, don't we?



A liberal friend in New York asked me after the Paris shooting what I thought he needed to defend his home. He has several college degrees.

I suggested as minimum a 9mm, a couple clips, and a box of shells. A few days later, he sent me this picture and asked how to make it work.


77 posted on 12/11/2015 7:39:30 AM PST by Lucky9teen (God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
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To: Lucky9teen

78 posted on 12/11/2015 7:40:13 AM PST by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
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To: ShadowAce
Are you reading from the book of Jack Handy?


79 posted on 12/11/2015 7:42:01 AM PST by Lucky9teen (God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
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To: Dacula
Anyone going to watch this show next week?

As much as I loathe the man, I'm almost interested to see what happens. Although I'm sure they'll make him out to be this great "outdoor" guy, which everyone in their right mind knows, isn't true by a long shot.
80 posted on 12/11/2015 7:52:20 AM PST by Lucky9teen (God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
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