VANITY: Things you can say to a TSA agent.

Me

[Sergio]

I thought we would start a list of whitty things that we can say to groping TSA agents that we could get away with and still make them uncomfortable. I'll start with a few, I hope many more will be added.

1. The doctor says I shouldn't be contagious...awww what the heck, I'm willing to risk it.

2. How many times can I get searched before I have to to to my gate?

3. Scabies and crabs...scabies and crabs...scabies and crabs...

4. Is tipping allowed?

5. (In a Homer Simpson looking at doughnuts voice) Hmmmmmmmmm...great pat down.

6. If you don't mind, please leave it pointing in the direction you found it.

Have at my FRiends!!!

[Sergio]

Well so far I am laughing out loud with interspersed snorts, and then I'm quite perturbed with regards to the glove question. Hadn't thought of it, and it is quite distasteful to think that they may be using the same gloves on different passengers.

[ErnBatavia]

Twin spin!

[4Speed]

JURY TRIAL. ....SEE YOU IN COURT IN FRONT OF MY FELLOW PASSENGERS

[HANG THE EXPENSE]

Moooooooooooon river.I said that to the flight doc during a class 1 and I also asked him to remove his class ring.His reply”clear out smart ass”I said I would leave my number with his receptionist if he had one”

[dynachrome]

“Say, does this rash look serious?”

[ErnBatavia]

Over in gay-oriented Palm Sproings, they're probably already marketing t-shirts that read:

Touch my junk - please!

[brytlea]

You know, that’s an excellent point.

[Paladin2]

"Just before they try to pat you down"

Ask them if they are or have ever been on the National Sex Offender Registry.

Ask them their sexual orientation.

Print this out and ask them to read it out loud and swear that they understand its meaning:

“Under 18 U.S. Code Section 2244, “ ‘sexual contact’ means the intentional touching, either directly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh or buttocks of any person with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade.”

Tell them that if they break the law, they WILL be on the Register and living in a cardboard box.

[Thunder90]

Go gay on the TSA agents.... :)

[vrwconspiracist]

Hey, could you release my second chakra while you’re in there?

I’ll still respect you in the morning.

[CynicalBear]

I thought just act like your having an orgasm and thank them loudly.

[bigheadfred]

Do these pants make my a$$ look fat?

[AmericanInTokyo]

Eat a busload of Dennison's Chili and sauerkraut the night before one's flight, and wash it down with three cups of Lipton's onion soup mix.

What's to make the Federal Government agents at the airprot PROVE your fetid intestinal gas point blank in their face at the exact, precise right time, was "intentional" or not "involuntary"?

They cannot prove anything. Just say "oh, my, sorry about that!"

Gandhi would and could have a FIELD DAY over this.....

[Responsibility2nd]

He’ll hand you off to a LEO before you can spell LEO...

_______________________________

For what?

If you are consenting to a sexual assault, and are enjoying the ride while making fun comments... what harm is done?

Or this there some BS TSA rule about talking during the grope?

[bigheadfred]

Can you do that again? Without the gloves?

[M Kehoe]

"After you're done, can I smoke a cigarette?"

5.56mm

[Sergio]

With the exception of the very real health concerns of using the same gloves on multiple passengers, this thread has really given me a bunch of belly laughs.

7. You know...in some cultures...we would now be married.

8. (From Ren and Stimpy) Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!...Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!...

9. (Also from Ren and Stimpy) It's log, it's log, it big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good.

[mnehring]

It's my first time, be gentle.
Schwing
Don't laugh, it's cold outside.
(for the ladies)I take it you've always wanted a career in gynecology?
Yes, that is a banana in my pants, no, I'm not happy to see you.

[ColdOne]

Don’t worry the leakage is not contagious the Doctor said.

[M Kehoe]

Over here...

5.56mm