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VANITY: Things you can say to a TSA agent.
Me
Posted on 11/17/2010 4:41:14 PM PST by Sergio
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To: Sergio
IF I were going to fly,a few hours before I went to the airport,I`d eat plenty of dairy without any Lactaid,tons of raw onions, and at least 1/2 dozen pickled eggs. I`d then withhold my paint peeling, stomach wrenching, eye watering gas till the guy bent over to pat me down and, Ypres away! I hope the bastard has a strong stomach!
61
posted on
11/17/2010 5:37:40 PM PST
by
nomad
To: Sergio
Say nothing. Just start panting heavily and giving little moans...
62
posted on
11/17/2010 5:42:01 PM PST
by
Ronin
(Add sufficient applied thrust and pigs fly just fine. However, don't ask about the flying monkeys.)
To: Sergio
14. Don’t jiggle it too much...it took me half an hour to get it in there.
63
posted on
11/17/2010 5:42:23 PM PST
by
Sergio
(An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
To: Sergio
Tell me when to turn my head and cough...
64
posted on
11/17/2010 5:43:42 PM PST
by
A_Tradition_Continues
(formerly known as Politicalwit ...05/28/98 Class of '98)
To: Beaten Valve
And I take it you`re real proud of your jackboot relative? Lets hope he doesn`t get so wound up he drops dead from a coronary right there on the job. I`m CPR certified and wouldn`t p*ss down his throat if his heart was on fire.
65
posted on
11/17/2010 5:48:17 PM PST
by
nomad
To: Darksheare
“Are we officially dating now?” I promise I won't c*m in your mouth.
To: Sergio
"If I blow my top, would you let it go to your head?"
(ZZ Top)
67
posted on
11/17/2010 5:49:46 PM PST
by
dayglored
(Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
To: Sergio
"Won't you squeeze my lemon, till the juice runs down my leg."
(Led Zeppelin)
68
posted on
11/17/2010 5:51:29 PM PST
by
dayglored
(Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
To: Sergio
“Can I have that cute blonde on isle three do the pat down”
“I’ll even pay $25 to get her to do it”
To: taxcontrol
“Can I have that cute blonde on isle three do the pat down” “I’ll even pay $25 to get her to do it”
Be sure to as for the "happy ending".
To: Sergio
"Down to my underwear?"
"I don't wear no underwear..." .
71
posted on
11/17/2010 6:02:00 PM PST
by
TLI
( ITINERIS IMPENDEO VALHALLA)
To: TLI
>
"Down to my underwear? I don't wear no underwear..." When you fly, wear your underwear OVER your regular clothes. Hey, Madonna gets away with it...
72
posted on
11/17/2010 6:05:11 PM PST
by
dayglored
(Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
To: dayglored
Ok now THAT is a new one.
Hey, if we all start now we can have some very ripe 7 day old underwear.
"Nope, I ain't getting in that thing..."
OPT OUT! OPT OUT!
Heh, heh, heh.
73
posted on
11/17/2010 6:13:34 PM PST
by
TLI
( ITINERIS IMPENDEO VALHALLA)
To: SkyDancer
EXACTLY.
Insist upon new clean gloves before any pat down. TSA mouth-breathers wear gloves to protect themselves—you deserve the same protection.
And by the way, bad guys can put nasty viruses on their clothes (and in their shoes), and TSA mouth-breathers spread the virus by making everyone walk over the virus powder left by the bad guy (sans shoes) as he walked through the (small) metal detector, and by smearing the virus powder on the gloves of the TSA mouth-breather as he gropes a hapless traveler.
74
posted on
11/17/2010 7:04:25 PM PST
by
Hulka
To: Sergio
"Are we winning the war against snowglobes?"
75
posted on
11/17/2010 7:06:31 PM PST
by
Daffynition
("Life Imitates Bacon, but Bacon does not imitate Life. Bacon IS life." ~paulycy)
To: Sergio
Now look what you did! You are so ugly you shrunk my junk.
76
posted on
11/17/2010 7:07:39 PM PST
by
csmusaret
(Tax revenue increased 39% from2002 to 2007 as a result of the Bush tax cuts.)
To: mnehring
“They promised me Hooter's girls!”
TSA’s version of the muslims seventy-two virgins. . . .
77
posted on
11/17/2010 7:09:28 PM PST
by
Hulka
To: Sergio
This isn’t a comment, but does anybody remember the part in Spinal Tap where one of the band member’s had a cucumber wrapped in aluminum foil in his pants?
Think about the shock value!
78
posted on
11/17/2010 7:18:26 PM PST
by
Grizzled Bear
(Does not play well with others)
To: Beaten Valve
No problem. I would not say a word, but I can pretty much fart at will, and will.
79
posted on
11/17/2010 7:39:34 PM PST
by
ExpatGator
(I hate Illinois Nazis!)
To: Sergio
Do you want me to turn my head and cough when you do that?
80
posted on
11/17/2010 9:38:12 PM PST
by
PadreL
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