Let the Silliness Begin!
Posted on 08/25/2006 12:39:47 AM PDT by sully777
You brought a gift?
How nice.
Top 30?
Happy Friday All!
Checking in....< rubbing sleep outta my eyes, and drinking coffee >
Ah, Friday...whew!
I'm afraid I no longer qualify for this one as I have not been conscious for quite some time. I think the AI systems in this computer are applying microvoltages to the keycaps to interrupt the normal processing of my CNS so I sit at the computer and LOOK like I'm working. They maintain the illusion by occasionally turning out some b!tchin' code and status reports and by randomly sending emails, posting to FR topics, etc.
I'm not sure what they're trying to accomplish, but even if I figure it out they have me completely under their spell. I only break out for lucid moments every now and then but they always regain control somehow. Unless the janitor knocks me out of my chair I'm afraid it's
A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and panting on the bed. "Honey," she said, thinking quickly, "I think I'm having a heart attack!" While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a naked man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend. "Damn it, Dave" he shouted, "Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!"
Shalom.
Me too...so I did it!
#2 is must-see TV.
Confucius Say:
"Passionate kiss like spider's web . . . soon lead to undoing of fly."
"Virginity like bubble. . . One prick - all gone!"
"Man who run in front of car get tired"
"Man who run behind car get exhausted"
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Baseball is wrong. . . Man with four balls cannot walk!"
Confucius Say More:
"Panties not best thing on earth. . . but next to it."
"War doesn't determine who's right . . . War determines who's left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day . . . sleep in doghouse by night."
"Man who fight with wife all day . . . get no piece at night!"
"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build crib . . . but one screw to fill it."
"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement"
"He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs."
"Man who farts in church sits in own pew."
"Man who jumps from tall building, jumps to conclusion."
"Crowded elevator smells different to midget".
"Blonde who fly upside down leave crack in air"
Q: What kind of engine do they use in golf carts?
A: Fore cyclinder.
Q: What do you call the drivers in an Egyptian traffic jam?
A: Tootin-car-men.
I looked up synonyms for "diet" in my thesaurus, and found myself at words for a loss
I saw a dermatologist about a nasty red patch on my skin. I asked it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.
Don't forget. You started this!
A primary school teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put her hand up and said, "My family went to my gradfather's farm and saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate", not fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see the new Harry Potter film and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "Fascinate."
Littly Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried...
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