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Things never said by Southerners......

Posted on 11/20/2008 7:46:23 AM PST by Gopher Broke

Things never said by Southerners

40. Oh, I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw' that we haven't aeen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: funny; humor
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To: Gopher Broke

You know, I don’t think our state really does have the country’s BEST BBQ.


21 posted on 11/20/2008 8:01:44 AM PST by IrishPennant ("I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.")
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To: Islander7; humblegunner
Most serious injuries in the South start with this phrase: “Hey y’all! Watch this!”

One of these days, look up on YouTube, Humblegunner's "Tards in Huffman" video.

22 posted on 11/20/2008 8:02:23 AM PST by mnehring
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To: Still Thinking
9 is definitely rediculous. (But taken in the manner in which it was intended) ;-)

It's what you say when them Obamer Brownshirts turn tail and sceedaddle to get out of the line of fire.

23 posted on 11/20/2008 8:02:46 AM PST by Turret Gunner A20
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To: Islander7

After 1863, the Fourth of July wasn’t celebrated in Vicksburg again until 1943.


24 posted on 11/20/2008 8:03:11 AM PST by Lonesome in Massachussets (The Democratic Party strongly supports full civil rights for necro-Americans.)
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To: mnehrling
We had a mechanic at our mine that had a peculiar habit of concluding his sentences with, "what I did," or "what I will."
I have never encountered this localism since and always wondered where it came from...
25 posted on 11/20/2008 8:03:17 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: Gopher Broke

And old too.


26 posted on 11/20/2008 8:03:41 AM PST by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

depends on how many come knockin


27 posted on 11/20/2008 8:03:51 AM PST by absolootezer0 ( Detroit: we're so bad, even our mayor is a criminal)
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To: All
I am reminded of this thread: The South - Like it or We'll kick your A$$!
28 posted on 11/20/2008 8:04:50 AM PST by Kennesaw
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To: Edsquire
Oh, I could NEVER fly a flag that might OFFEND someone.

I added that one to the leis. It's GOTTA be included.

29 posted on 11/20/2008 8:07:09 AM PST by Turret Gunner A20
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To: Gopher Broke
A little condescending? What does a person have to do to tell you they hate Southerners?
30 posted on 11/20/2008 8:07:53 AM PST by Vision ("Test everything. Hold on to the Good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21)
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To: Gopher Broke

“On second thought, maybe I don’t need a bigger boat...”


31 posted on 11/20/2008 8:10:00 AM PST by gridlock (Bill Clinton will be offered the job as Obama's Secretary of State.)
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets
After 1863, the Fourth of July wasn’t celebrated in Vicksburg again until 1943.

My 5th great uncle was killed at Vicksburg, yet my family has a very long history of military service since.
32 posted on 11/20/2008 8:10:45 AM PST by Islander7 (This Atlas is shrugging! ~ I am Joe!)
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To: Gopher Broke
I've actually said several of them!

Sometimes it was just to see what those words together actually sounded like, other times to see if I could do it with a straight face, then other times to see the stunned look on my friends and family's faces!

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

Heck, I don't even know what that means!

33 posted on 11/20/2008 8:13:19 AM PST by Eagle Eye (Obama's Marxism--Chains you can believe in)
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To: Gopher Broke

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”


34 posted on 11/20/2008 8:13:45 AM PST by Lonesome in Massachussets (The Democratic Party strongly supports full civil rights for necro-Americans.)
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To: Gopher Broke

Here’s another one...

“Well heck yes, I’m voting for Obama!”


35 posted on 11/20/2008 8:20:29 AM PST by MaggieAtlanta
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To: Gopher Broke

I’m a Southerner and those are a hoot!

Here’s one of the best redneck scrapbooks, ever:

http://boortz.com/more/funny/redneck_pics.html


36 posted on 11/20/2008 8:21:12 AM PST by RushIsMyTeddyBear
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To: Lonesome in Massachussets
After 1863, the Fourth of July wasn’t celebrated in Vicksburg again until 1943.

Can't say I blame them. Up until 43 there were still s lot of people there who had survived the siege and it's aftermath. They were not treated kindly.

In Northren Virginia where I was raised in the 50's and 60's there were people there who had survived "The War" as they called who told us little ones stories about the depredations that they endured at hands of the invaders.

37 posted on 11/20/2008 8:22:04 AM PST by fella (.He that followeth after vain persons shall have poverty enough." Pv.28:19')
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
I cannot believe you missed this one...

1. Missed what?

2. Your tagline is a fake Lincoln quote. link

38 posted on 11/20/2008 8:25:39 AM PST by wideminded
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To: Turret Gunner A20

Ass rot.


39 posted on 11/20/2008 8:32:34 AM PST by Still Thinking (Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?)
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To: wideminded

so I should change Lincoln to Reagan?


40 posted on 11/20/2008 8:35:09 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. - Abraham Lincoln)
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