1-A vampire took a vacation on a cruise ship The headwaiter asked if he'd like to check out their menu. "No thanks," said the vampire. "But do you have a passenger list?"
2-A man breaks into a house in the middle of the night. Whilst he's nicking all the family silver, he hears a voice behind him saying "Jesus is watching you!". The burglar looks round but can't see anyone so continues to pack his swag bag. Once again he hears "Jesus is watching you!" This time curiosity gets the better of him and he risks turning on the light to see a brightly colored parrot sat on a perch watching him."Did you say that?" the burglar asks the parrot. "Yes" replies the parrot. "And what's your name?" asks the burglar "Moses" says the parrot. "Moses!" exclaims the burglar, "What kind of idiot calls a parrot Moses?""The same kind of idiot that calls their Rotwiller Jesus" replies the parrot.
3-A mouse sees a jar of peanut butter. " Oh Boy, peanut butter!" he says. He gets on top and starts dancing. Another mouse sees him and says :" What are you doing ?!" The other mouse replies : "The jar says ''twist to open''"
An old' Irish priest was telling his catechism class about the story of Jonah the prophet and how he lived in the belly of a whale for three days. One of the boys, a troublemaker, interrupted the good priest "Aw baloney, no one can live in the belly of the whale for three days." The priest stopped and thought for a moment " Well now, you might be right, I suppose when I get to heaven I'll ask Jonah if it be true." "What if Jonah is not in heaven?," suggested the boy with a smirk. The old priest turned with a glint in his eye and said, "Then you ask him."
This is my gif. and joke thread in SBR!
You might fine some interesting gifs. I was invade
by a weirdo but he been vanished!
How To Get to Heaven
"If I sold my house and my car,had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
I asked the children in my Sunday school class. "NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was,"NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year -old boy shouted out, "YOU GOT TO BE DEAD!"
196
posted on
12/15/2004 8:09:21 PM PST
by
Coleus
(Roe v. Wade and Endangered Species Act both passed in 1973, Murder Babies/save trees, birds, algae)
