Free Republic

Mexican President Obrador today fired all his military generals and replaced them with cartel bosses. President Obrador was outraged when the military was given a simple task to arrest one drug dealer and pimp but instead got their asses handed to them by the cartels. President Obrador questioned what would have happened if Belize or Laredo had declared war on Mexico and we had to depend on these generals to rally a defense of the country. Yes, Mexico would have been embarrassingly humiliated. For a solution, President Obrado reasoned that if we can't beat them then have them join us,...

Due to a settlement with the CDC, FDA and the Surgeon General, you will be able to buy one flu shot for the regular $35 price and get four more shots in future years for free. The agencies argued in court that the flu shots were never more than 20% effective, therefore the consumer should get 80% more value for their money. The flu vaccine companies agreed to provide the additional value in the form of four more free future flu shots. After purchasing and receiving the first flu shot, consumers will be provided with a voucher for the four...

Gov. Newsom signed the Lunch Shaming Law today and the first arrest was made within hours of the signing. 3rd Grader Samantha White of San Francisco was charged with felony lunch shaming at her elementary school. School security officers arrested and transported Samantha to police headquarters after receiving complaints from the school staff. From her mother, it was learned that Samantha had taken a lunch to school which consisted of a Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich, bag of chips and bannana. When Samantha started eating her lunch, with the approved carton of white milk, her classmates were immediately "lunch shamed" when they...

ANTIFA, the military army of the Democratic Party, has determined that it has a public image problem. Grand Master, Fredo Cuomo determined through surveys that the ANTIFA uniform is viewed negatively by the general public. The black uniform with the balaclava head covering reminds the public of ISIS Jihadis, third world dictator police, and Bloomberg private security. Fredo has recommended the change to a white robe and hood. Fredo reasons that white is viewed more favorably than black. Official robes and hoods, with the official Democratic ass emblem, may be purchased directly from the DNC. Since many ANTIFA members do...

NEW YORK, NY—In honor of the anniversary of Chairman Mao Zedong's death, The New York Times unfurled a giant, 50-foot-wide banner honoring the "brave revolutionary" outside its New York offices Monday. After public outcry, they admitted this might have been "slightly inappropriate." "While we stand by our decision to honor one of history's great men, we admit the banner lacked important historical context," said one Times editor. "While his ideas were morally right, they factually killed a bunch of people, and that's not something we wanted to promote. Unless you're killing yourself to combat climate change." Paper executives considered adding...

U.S —As the nation plunges headlong into another fall season, the FDA has officially recommended pouring all pumpkin spice flavored beverages down the nearest drain immediately. Stressing that they are “all just completely abhorrent and disgusting,” a spokesman for the agency confirmed Wednesday that the only safe and honorable course of action when confronted with a pumpkin spice latte, coffee, or beer this autumn is to quickly and without hesitation open the beverage and dump every drop of it down a nearby drain or toilet. The FDA further advised caution when dumping the drinks, warning against accidentally spilling or splashing...

AND OLD JOE……. …………has uttered another load of verbal crapola. Sadly he can’t seem to get ANYTHING straight………….what the hell will he do if he is elected and has a sink or swim decision to make. His mind is aging , and he is borderline SENILE. and old Joe just announced........ that he is the "only" candidate qualified to beat George Bush!! ouch!

U.S.—The 347 Democratic presidential candidates currently running announced Monday their new plan to attract voters to their platforms: simply to dangle stacks of cash over their heads on a fishing line. At every rally and campaign event, Democrats running for president will dangle bags or bundles of cash above undecided voters, hoping to lure them to the polls to vote. "Rather than compete on ideas, we will resort to blatant bribery," said Bernie Sanders after proposing giving $1.6 trillion to college graduates. Sanders then pulled out a fishing pole and began teasing his audience. "Whooa, gotta be quicker than...

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was pumped to attend a taping of The Price Is Right in Hollywood this week. The special guest introduced herself as a U.S. representative and rising star of the Democratic Party. Things got interesting when the game began and every time it was her turn to estimate the price of an item her answer was "free." Items included a set of Italian leather handbags, an all expenses paid trip to the Bahamas, and a brand new 2019 BMW 330i, at all of which Ocasio-Cortez shouted, "FREE!" When host Drew Carey asked if Ocasio-Cortez understood the game's...

The top Republican on the House Judiciary Committee is urging the panel's Democratic chairman to have special counsel Robert Mueller testify about his findings from the 22-month investigation into Russian interference. Rep. Doug Collins (R-Ga.) in a letter on Monday called on Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.) to seek Mueller's testimony, rather than going after Attorney General William Barr, arguing that this is the best path to obtaining transparency. "If you seek both transparency and for the American public to learn the full contours of the Special Counsel’s investigation, public testimony from Special Counsel Mueller himself is undoubtedly the best way...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid a flurry of accusations of inappropriate touching and crowding people's personal space leveled at former vice president Joe Biden, President Trump announced Friday that Biden is his appointment to the Transporation Security Administration. Biden will be tasked with showing TSA agents how to violate people's personal space and privacy in their daily groping of American citizens. ...

Former Vice President "Slow Joe" Biden announced his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for Vice President today. Reporters and fellow Democrats were taken aback by this surprising announcement. Slow Joe stated that there were several reasons for his decision to run for Vice President rather than President. First, he listed the 8 years of experience that he had as VP under Obama which made him more qualified than anyone else for the position. He stated that it was really like a highly paid part time job with the only downside being considered a lowly step-n-fetch-it. Second, he acknowledged that he...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal hit a snag when it lost the support of another freshman representative, Ilhan Omar. Omar had been an enthusiastic supporter of the Green New Deal and wanted to save the earth, but then she noticed something very disturbing when looking at a map of the earth: Earth is the planet on which Israel resides.

My girlfriend and I recently found out she is pregnant. I told her I’d support her and the baby, and secretly started saving for an engagement ring. She said she thought I would have wanted her to get an abortion. I didn’t—at least at first. She was excited and started planning the nursery. It took me two months to save up, but I finally got on one knee and popped the question. She cried and said yes. I’m still scared about being a dad, but I’ve got a good job and so does she. We’ll make a great family, just...

I think we all need to chip in and help A.O.C. come up with new ideas to put in her plan. I recently posted that she says every household will be required to keep chickens for eating household waste, produce eggs and fertilizer. I also think canals should be dug across the USA so we can use sailboats for travel. We can use existing Interstate routes and dig out the medium. Fill with water and sail back and forth. Other ideas?

Video that makes it plain how walls don't work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmRPP2WXX0U

The "Beto for President" research group has determined that it is necessary to rebrand "Beto" for a nationwide campaign. Although "Beto" seemed a popular brand with Texas progressives, it was determined that it wouldn't be successful for a nationwide campaign. Research indicated that the word "beto" is an Italian slang for an obscene hand gesture. Additionally, most East and West Coast progressives are too educated to identify with Mexican slang. The research group first suggested that "Jesus" (pronounced Hey-Zeus) be substituted for "Beto" but indications were that conservatives would challenge him to walk on water and he would in all...

Beto O'Rourke submitted DNA samples last week to lay to rest the doubt that he may not be of Hispanic origin. Unlike Liz Warren, who submitted her samples to a professional and family friend, Beto submitted saliva samples to Ancestry.com and 23andMe for evaluation. Ancestry.com results concluded that Beto had no direct Hispanic heritage but his foremothers may have diddled some Vikings or Brits which accounted for his 30% non-Irish heritage. 23andMe results were essentially the same as the Ancestry.com results with the exception that there was a 2% probability that Beto was related to a breakfast burrito from the...

We demand that each of these new allegations, solicited online by a promise of $1 for each new claim of sexual victimization by Judge Kavanaugh, MUST be investigated by the FBI! If you don't agree, you obviously hate women.

The mystery of the disappearing Beto O'Rourke campaign signs has been solved by the Texas Rangers. Numerous citizens of Travis County, Texas have been complaining that their Beto (Dem candidate for senator) campaign signs have been disappearing. The citizens must pay the county Democratic organization $10 each for replacement signs (with proceeds going to the Beto campaign fund). Although requested, the Austin police and Travis County sheriff departments have refused to investigate. The Republican county chair requested the Texas AG instruct the Texas Rangers to investigate because they were being blamed for the thefts. Texas Ranger Straight was assigned and...