The other day, I read one of those sad headlines: ''Mother of two dies in car wreck.'' There but for the grace of God go I. Yet it occurred to me that whenever a woman comes to public attention in tragedy, she is often described in relation to children. ''Mother of twins dies in fire,'' the headline reads, or ''Grandmother fights off home invaders.'' It is strikingly rare, on the other hand, to see similar headlines for men. ''Father of two killed in drive-by shooting''? ''Grandfather in critical condition after mountain-climbing mishap''? Unlikely. Men are not fathers first and foremost....