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Mere flesh wound, says maimed Hillary on Holy Grail trail WHICH movie is Hillary Clinton? After Clinton's win in Pennsylvania, I'm convinced the right movie is in fact Monty Python and the Holy Grail. More precisely, the scene in which Arthur — the Obama character — confronts the Black Knight (Hillary), lops off his arm and declares: "Now stand aside, worthy adversary." But the Black Knight refuses to succumb, declaring "'tis but a scratch" and it's "just a flesh wound" as Arthur dismembers him. In their desperation to win, however, the Clintons might well end up destroying themselves — like...

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A 16-foot python stalked a family dog for days before swallowing the pet whole in front of horrified children in the Australian tropics, animal experts said Wednesday. The boy and girl, aged 5 and 7, watched as the scrub python devoured their silky terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed Monday at their home near Kuranda in Queensland state. Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Zoo in Kuranda, said scrub pythons typically eat wild animals such as wallabies, a smaller relative of the kangaroo, but sometimes turn to pets in urban areas. "It actively stalked the dog for a number...

In addition to everything else to worry about, now comes the Burmese python. The giant snakes are slithering from Florida toward the Bay Area, very slowly to be sure, but inexorably. And they can strangle and eat an entire alligator...

SETBO VILLAGE, Cambodia - Being responsible parents, rice farmer Khuorn Sam Ol and his wife might not be expected to be keen on having their child play with a 16-foot-long, 220-pound snake. Yet they are unflustered that their 7-year-old son, Uorn Sambath, regularly sleeps in the massive coil of a female python, rides the reptile, kisses it and even pats it down with baby powder. "There is a special bond between them," Khuorn Sam Ol explained. "My son played with the snake when he was still learning to crawl. They used to sleep together in a cradle." The boy and...

For the second time in two years, a 16-foot python has been found in the wild west of Vero Beach -- this time killed by a large roadside bush mower on a canal bank along 58th Avenue. On Friday, Jesse Parker was mowing for the county along a large canal south of 12th Street and hit what he thought was bricks. "When I backed up, a head popped up. It was huge," ... "It is lucky this happened," Vero Beach Animal Control Officer Bruce Dangerfield said Monday. He said the snake could have grown 25- to 30-feet long. Though pythons...

Usually it's a cuddly teddy bear or a favourite action figure that kids need before they can get to bed. But not for Cambodian six-year-old Sambath Uon; he needs "Lucky", his trusty six-metre long python, before he can sleep. "I love the python like my sister," Sambath said. "All my friends are jealous of her." Sambath first encountered the snake when he was three months old, and Lucky was only 50cm. His parents didn't like to see Lucky with Sambath, and tried to take her back into the forest three times - only to find that Lucky would keep returning...

What with the Maryland legislature wanting to steal unused gift certificates for revenue and Democrats across the country clamoring for more and more taxation, I thought it would be a good idea, as a public service, to post this video I found of secret meetings where British Liberals brainstorm about new things to tax...Click here for the shocking details!WARNING! Brief animated nudity content.

NEW YORK (Oct. 17) - There was no Halloween bogeyman in the closet for one Brooklyn woman - just a 7-foot-long python in her toilet. Nadege Brunacci was washing her hands in her bathroom before dawn Monday when she glanced back and saw the slithering serpent peeking out from her toilet, most of its body hidden in the pipes. "I turned on the light and screamed," Brunacci, 38, told the New York Daily News. "It still makes my heart race." Brunacci slammed down the lid, put a heavy box on top of the toilet and began calling for help, which...

CINCINNATI, Aug. 24 A 10-year-old boy who said he hated snakes killed a 10-foot python at petting zoo by stomping on the reptile's head. Scott Braunstein, a reptile handler who brought the snake to the St. Bernadette Festival in Amelia, Ohio, last weekend, said he was shocked by the boy's violence, The Cincinnati Enquirer said Thursday. The snake, named Popcorn, was a non-poisonous albino Burmese python. Braunstein, who operates House of Reptiles in Dry Ridge, Ky., said the boy approached him and told him that he hated snakes. The child then raised his leg and stomped down on the snake's...

One Wayward Reptile Apparently Ate Cat Big snakes on the loose have a Pennsylvania community in an uproar after one of the wayward reptiles apparently ate a cat. One python was found on Wednesday in an industrial park in Bristol Township. Then, Animal Control officers spent part of Thursday searching for another snake in Bristol, Pa. Both incidents have residents asking where the snakes are coming from. Kerryann and Steve Sanocki's friends call them the crocodile hunters because they are known for rescuing wild animals. "Isn't she beautiful?" Steve Sanocki asked as they brought the snake out to show. It's...

Photos of a snake caught on an electric fence on a sheep & cattle station near the NSW town of Nyngan....Some tourists on holidays came across the snake caught in an electric fence, being continually shocked, and getting very angry!

Firefighters responding to a small basement fire Thursday morning were startled to find a 10-foot python, two cobras, tarantulas and an assortment of other creatures inside. "It was like out of a science fiction scene," said Lt. Ed Ireland, whose engine company responded to the Queens blaze. The fire, whose cause hadn't been determined, was reported at about 11:20 a.m. in the borough's Corona section. Once it was extinguished and the smoke cleared, Ireland noticed the python writhing near his feet. In cages and tanks, there also were two small alligators, frogs, turtles and tarantulas, he said. All the creatures...

CHRISTIANS in Wales have reacted angrily to plans to turn controversial comedy Life of Brian into a musical. It is nearly 30 years since the Monty Python film, satirising the life of a man mistaken for Jesus, provoked condemnation from church and chapel congregations around the world who claimed it was blasphemous. A ban on screening it in Swansea cinemas stood for 17 years and was only lifted in 1997. But yesterday campaigners vowed to hold fresh protests should the proposed new musical ever be staged in Wales or the UK. Their ire came as it emerged founding Monty Python...

Scientists in Florida are puzzling over a 13-foot Burmese python that scarfed down a 6-foot alligator before its stomach ruptured. The snake apparently tried to swallow the gator whole -- and then exploded. Scientists stumbled upon the gory remains last week. The species have battled with increasing frequency -- scientists have documented four encounters in the last three years... "Encounters like that are almost never seen in the wild. ... And here we are, it's happened for the fourth time," Mazzotti said. In the other cases, the alligator won or the battle was an apparent draw. "They were probably evenly...

A 14-foot python bit its handler and tried to drag her into its cage during a show at an aquarium, and wouldn't release the woman until a police officer zapped the reptile with a stun gun. Alison Cobianchi, 18, was taking Chloe, a Burmese python, out of her cage for the daily snake presentation Saturday at the Tarpon Springs Aquarium when the snake wrapped itself around her arm and waist. Visitors and aquarium employees kept the nonvenomous snake from pulling Cobianchi into the cage, but couldn't make it release its grip. Police were called to help. "We either had to...

UNIONTOWN, Pa. -- A police officer used a Taser to subdue a python that had wrapped itself around a man's arm and would not let go. Steve Crilly, 47, was feeding a rat to the eight-foot-long albino Burmese python, which belongs to his daughter, when it when it bit his left hand and wrapped tightly around his left arm Wednesday night, Uniontown patrolman Ray Miller said. "The snake was on his arm and was eating his hand," Miller told the Herald-Standard of Uniontown for Friday's editions. Crilly "was very calm, considering there was a good bit of blood," he said....

A startling discovery of 70,000-year-old artifacts and a python's head carved of stone appears to represent the first known human rituals. Scientists had thought human intelligence had not evolved the capacity to perform group rituals until perhaps 40,000 years ago. But inside a cave in remote hills in Kalahari Desert of Botswana, archeologists found the stone snake [image] that was carved long ago. It is as tall as a man and 20 feet long.

EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK -- Wildlife managers in Everglades National Park typically spend hours trying to catch nonnative Burmese pythons that have invaded the swamp. On Monday, they set one free. Using a radio transmitter implanted in the 10-foot snake, biologists hope to track its movements and find other snakes for removal.

I write to you in my capacity as secretary of the World League of Despots. It is with great pleasure that I am finally able to extend an official invitation to you to join our ranks. For many years, we have watched your efforts to fulfil the requirements necessary to join our number. From the start, we were greatly impressed by your disdain for democratic principles - the way you wrested power from the democratically elected candidate in the 2000 election, and again in 2005 when you managed to swing what was clearly going to be a victory for your...

LANESVILLE, Ind. -- A 23-year-old man who was caring for a 14-foot snake in southern Indiana was found dead Monday night. Officials did not know how the man died and would not speculate. The body of the man, identified as Patrick Von Allmen, was to go to the Kentucky Medical Examiner's Office in Louisville for an autopsy Tuesday. Mark Farmer, an Indiana Department of Natural Resources spokesman, said Von Allmen was found in a shed in Lanesville and that the 14-foot reticulated python was found loose in the shed. The snake was captured and returned to the man's family. Indiana...