TALLAHASSEE, FL —Florida Governor Ron DeSantis stirred up controversy this week after he proposed allocating state funds to grow his own personal army of Uruk-Hai orc warriors. "Frankly, the federal government is terrible at everything, including the Army, which has been taken over by wimpy-dimpy pink-haired SJWs," said DeSantis. "It's time for Florida to breed its own Uruk-Hai force." DeSantis touted the many uses of a personal Uruk-Hai army, such as helping with hurricane relief, monitoring the polls on election day, and making sure public schools aren't making kids wear masks. "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed every CNN anchor while breaking the story...