NEW YORK--And it came to pass that Republican Jesus met with His advisers, strategists and corporate cronies. He took them and withdrew apart to a deserted city called Bethesda. But the multitudes followed Him nonetheless. So Republican Jesus asked His cronies to build Him a great stadium where He could welcome members of the multitudes able to pay Him an admission fee and purchase vast quantities of licensed merchandise at exorbitant prices. He welcomed these people and sent off those who needed medical attention to a land called Canada. The light of the day began to wane, so His toadies...