Free Republic

SALT LAKE CITY — The producers of a Mormon version of the popular “Bachelor” television program were dealt a rude surprise when their lead man got down on his knee and proposed to all six finalists. “I couldn’t make up my mind,” said Larry Whistall, 29, the bachelor. “I realized they all had good qualities, so I went the polygamy route.” Five of the six women said yes, and now say they look forward to moving to rural Utah and bearing Whistall as many children as physically possible. And in-fighting? Not a problem, they claim. “Me and the other women...

My true love gave to me: TEN LORDS A'LEAPING

EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK, Fla. -- In this photo provided by the Everglades National Park, the carcass of a six-foot American alligator is shown protruding from the mid-section of a 13-foot Burmese python in Everglades National Park, Fla., after the snake apparently swallowed the alligator, resulting in the deaths of both animals. (10/05/05 AP photo)

You don't wanna know what's under his hood BY DAVE BARRY Jun. 26, 2005 (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on April 25, 1999.) I may be 51 years old, but, darn it, I'm still a ''rock and roll kind of animal.'' So when a friend named Gene offered me some tickets to a Beach Boys concert, I jumped at the chance. As a result, I strained my back and had to lie down for six days. But after the pain subsided I was very excited, because I'm a huge Beach Boys fan. I'll never forget the first...

POLL: IN MATCH-UP BETWEEN HILLARY AND KERRY, MOST DEMOCRATS WOULD CHOOSE SUICIDE Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate. The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%. "Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus" was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with "jumping off the roof of a...

The official Vatican chauffeur is sent to the airport to pick up Pope John Paul II who was returning from an extensive trip abroad. After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver. "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let...