Free Republic

SPOKANE, WA — The three teenagers who were arrested for riding scooters on a Pride flag painted on the road were kicking themselves for not simply lighting the American flag on fire and threatening violence instead. "I guess we picked the wrong flag," said one of the teens, whose name has been withheld for anonymity. "I had no idea the Pride flag was so much more sacred than the American flag." According to sources, the teenagers were surprised to learn they could deface statues, light smoke bombs outside the White House, hold up a bloody mask of the President, threaten...

The Trump hush-money criminal trial verdict is in—and it's guilty. What does it mean? And what's next? In the debut episode of my new show—Straight Down the Middle—I will walk you through it all. As a professor of law, one-time federal prosecutor, and constitutional law scholar, I have over three decades of experience with complex constitutional issues and I want to share everything I know with you and how it applies to the issues we see in the real world. In this episode, I walk through The Basics of the Trump verdict, The Constitutional Issues facing the conviction, and the...

Even for crime-ridden, rapidly-descending-into-anarchy California, this is pretty crime-ridden, rapidly-descending-into-anarchy California: A series of fire hydrant thefts in the Florence-Firestone neighborhood of South Los Angeles has left residents without a working hydrant near their homes. The thefts of four hydrants near the intersection of 82nd Street and Hooper Avenue mean the block doesn't have even one operating hydrant, KTLA's Jennifer McGraw reports.It's no joke. The crooks are literally ripping the hydrants off the street and taking them away. Now, you likely have just one question to ask after seeing that hydrant stump in the sidewalk: Namely: "Why would someone steal...

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Streaming service Peacock announced the release this week of a documentary that proves eating your own offspring is completely fine for humans because a few other animal species do it. "We just want to show how normal and natural it is to consume your own progeny," Peacock Producer Anna Grazer told the press. "Something like seven animal species on earth murder and eat their own kids, so humans shouldn't feel ashamed if they have a preference towards the same." Peacock producers have hyped the documentary as being completely revolutionary for human understanding of what behaviors are acceptable....

U.S. — College Students protesting Israel announced an indefinite hunger strike on Monday, which they say will occur between the hours of 10 AM and 5 PM, with an hour for lunch at noon with only some light snacking permitted from time to time. "We mean business!" said Princeton University student Jezebel Bashar. "It will be hard to eat absolutely nothing for part of the day followed by an after-lunch period of a few hours of not eating again, but we are committed!" On the first day of the hunger strike, protestors appeared visibly weakened with many resorting to emergency...

Bobby Bones, often regarded one of country music most formidable songwriting forces, released "INLAWS" immediately after his previous hit single "OUTLAWS" dominated the charts for 32 months. Not only was he a brilliant mandolin player, but he was generally a soft spoken friendly and humble man. He also originated the trend of country and folk singers covering their faces in badly done tattoos. Truly one of Nashville's most prized treasures, Bones left an impression on everyone he met. People all across the lands shared wild stories of Bobby and his gang's shenanigans as they toured the southern states.

Arizona Superior Court Judge Thomas Fink declared a mistrial for Arizona rancher George Alan Kelly, 75, who faced charges of second-degree murder in the death of an illegal alien on his property. The jury voted 7-1 not guilty. Only one person voted “guilty of 2nd degree murder (or lesser charges to include negligent homicide and manslaughter).” The incident happened in January 2023: The jury began deliberating April 18. After days of being unable to reach a verdict, the judge overseeing the trial declared a mistrial on Monday. The case centered around the death of Mexican national Gabriel Cuen-Buitimea, who was...

Medieval fire arrows were real! So I followed the old books, made some and tested them in every way I could think of. We have loads of old manuscripts, pictures, drawings, fire arrow heads and recipes of fire arrows but because some people haven't looked at the old information and can't make them work, lots of people think they were a myth. You see them everywhere in films and computer games so it is easy to dismiss them as a modern popular culture affectation - they were as real as you are. So this film is an exhaustive description of...

U.S. — A new service "SquatBNB" has launched, aimed at helping potential squatters find the home of their dreams to take over. "Far too often, squatters take over a new home without knowing the quality of amenities provided, or difficulties dealing with the host," said SquatBNB CEO Don Carmichael. "Our service will allow squatters to read reviews from other squatters who have stayed at a property and see honest feedback about what each home has to offer. We have millions of homes on our site, ready for immediate squatting -- and the best part is, it's absolutely free!" According to...

U.S. — Leaders in the Lone Star State awoke this morning eager to learn how they would be able to address the border crisis as a federal court once again flipped a coin to see if Texas would be allowed to enforce laws today. The daily routine, consisting of finding out whether law enforcement officers would have the power to enforce laws depending on the whims of different federal judges, has swung wildly from one day to the next, leaving Texas officials wondering which side of the argument currently had the advantage. "Step right up for the daily coin flip...

U.S. — An attack by a cell belonging to a violent extremist group was averted last week, as terrorists decided against hijacking a plane after finding out it was made by Boeing. The hijacking, which was allegedly planned to be carried out over the weekend, was called off at the last minute after the group of terrorists behind the plot discovered the flight they were targeting was a Boeing 737, which meant everyone on board — including the terrorists — would be in serious danger. "We're not going anywhere near that deathtrap," said terrorist Abu Musab Alwani, who masterminded the...

NEW YORK, NY — After being viciously booed at an FDNY promotion ceremony last week, New York AG Letitia James has announced she will be issuing $355 million-dollar fines to the perpetrators. "Last week, I was cruelly assaulted and insurrected by racist Trump supporters," said the Attorney General in a statement. "Our democracy is no place for firefighters to express their displeasure with the weaponization of the justice system against their preferred candidate. I will not rest until every guilty party has been tracked down and brought to justice. With a $355 million-dollar fine. And maybe also prison. Thank you."...

WALTHAM, MA — A somber mood fell over one of the nation's foremost defense contractors this morning, as Raytheon lowered its flags to half-staff after Nikki Haley announced she was dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. The aerospace technology corporation, which had been holding out hope that the world would enter a new era of highly profitable war, destruction, and death with the onset of World War III, was devastated by this morning's news that Haley had suspended her campaign. "This is a major blow," said a Raytheon spokesperson. "We are deeply saddened by the news of Nikki Haley...

U.S. — In a landmark decision, the entire cast of The View has voted to overturn the Supreme Court's overturning of the Colorado Supreme Court's decision to remove Trump from the ballot. "These Supreme Court justices are schmucks!" exclaimed beloved TV personality and law expert Joy Behar after receiving word of the ruling. "Everyone knows the Constitution, or the Declaration of Freedom — or whatever that piece of paper is called — clearly states that Trump should never be on the ballot. Because he's clearly a fascist. Duh! Everyone knows that!" Sources say that hosts Behar, along with entertainer Whoopi...

Tucker Carlson asks Hickok45 the tough questions.

ATLANTA, GA — In what some industry insiders have described as a clear case of "one-upmanship," Delta Airlines has raised the diversity, equity, and inclusion bar even higher after introducing its new "short plane" specifically designed for special needs pilots. With increased scrutiny of late on airlines implementing DEI policies among crucial flight crew positions, the Atlanta-based airline giant took the unprecedented step of creating an entirely new model of aircraft to accommodate pilots who are either physically or mentally incapable of operating a standard aircraft. "This is a huge step forward for the retarded folk, er, I mean, the...

John Daly and Kid Rock sit down with Tucker Carlson for drinks and cigars.

I somehow sleep through the midnight knock at the door and even the barking dogs barely get my attention — we get a lot of deer here on Monument Hill and the barking that accompanies their every visit to our yard. The strange man's voice in the foyer got me up and moving in an instant. The tone of the voice said "Cop." My brain immediately flashes to my niece, Naomi. Aged 19 and certainly partying on New Year's, I picture a car wreck before I even quite know what I was thinking. As I'm pulling on my robe, Melissa...

SANTA MONICA, CA — A local man was tragically rendered unable to brush his teeth after he mistakenly neglected to pay the monthly subscription fee on his smart electric toothbrush. "Toothbrush functionality disabled," the toothbrush had chirped loudly after a payment was declined. "Please update your method of payment to continue brushing your teeth." "This is awful," said Jake Brown, owner of the toothbrush. "Things have just been so busy with the holidays and everything going on, I forgot to make this month's payment on my subscription for my OraDent Max, and now I haven't been able to brush my...

CAMBRIDGE, MA — As controversy continued to swirl at Harvard University after the school's board expressed unanimous support for its embattled leader, President Claudine Gay responded to the people calling for her removal by giving a rousing, original speech she wrote called "I Have A Dream." "This is something I just wrote last night to inspire others," Gay said. "It is my hope that this speech, which I wrote entirely myself, will help other people stand up under unjust oppression, just as I have over the last week." Gay then took a piece of paper from her pocket, unfolded it,...