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10 Great Excuses For Not Reading Your Bible
The Babylon Bee ^ | Jul 26, 2022 | BabylonBee.com

Posted on 07/27/2022 9:49:29 PM PDT by fidelis

We get it. It's hard to read the divinely inspired word of the creator of the universe. He's so judgy! But, since your salvation might depend on it, you better get some great excuses ready to share on Judgment Day.

Here are some of the best excuses for not reading your Bible:

1. You just went to church last month and don't want to overdo it: You don't want to be an extremist!

2. It's not as encouraging as Your Best Life Now: Joel Osteen's prose is to die for.

3. If you take your eye off the Hot Pocket you're microwaving for one second it might burn: And then you'd be hungry! God wouldn't want that.

4. You already watched The Chosen: It's so hard to get into a good book if you already know how it ends.

5. Those 900 Korok seeds in Zelda: Breath of the Wild aren't going to collect themselves: Finding Korok seeds is a metaphor for finding Christ probably.

6. You're Donald Trump and don't need forgiveness: He has never done anything wrong, ever.

7. You're still recovering from the story of Ehud: Enough to give anyone PTSD.

8. You misplaced your copy and new ones are so hard to find: You have to walk all the way to the back of Barnes & Noble.

9. The Jordan Peterson lecture on Genesis you watched has you covered: Up yours woke moralists! We'll see who cancels who from paradise!

20. It's not like the Bible is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work, or anything like that: 'Cause if it were, you'd definitely meditate on it day and night.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; becauseimcatholic; bible; humor; satire
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To: metmom

gmta


121 posted on 07/29/2022 5:46:29 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey
No reference to prostitution.

We still talkin' 'bout RAHAB?

In the LINEAGE of Jesus??

122 posted on 07/29/2022 5:48:01 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey
Say what you will, but Catholics duly behold, and have come to know extremely well, our mother (and yours).

Some folks been sayin' stuff for YEARS!


 
 
 



 

The way it's written:

 
Galatians 4:4-5
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.
 
 
 
The way Rome teaches it:
 
Galatians 4:4-5
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a....
 
Co-Redemptrix, 
Ark of the Covenant,
Beloved daughter of the Father,
Favoured Daughter of the Father,
Cause of Our Joy,
Cause of our Salvation ,
Comfort of the Afflicted,
Destroyer of Heresy,
Ever-virgin ,
Gate of Heaven,
God-bearer,
Great Mother,
Health of the Sick,
Heavenly Chariot,
Help of Christians,
Holy Mary,
Holy Mother of God,
Holy Virgin of Virgins,
House of Gold,
Joy of the Just,
Majesty,
Mirror of Justice,
Morning Star,
Most Holy,
Mother Admirable,
Mother Inviolate,
Mother Most Amiable,
Mother Most Chaste,
Mother Most Pure,
Mother of Christ,
Mother of Divine Grace,
Mother of God,
Mother of Good Counsel,
Mother of Mercy,
Mother of Orphans,
Mother of Our Creator,
Mother of Our Redeemer,
Mother of Sorrows,
Mother of the Church,
Mother of the Poor,
Mother of the Word,
Mother of the Word Incarnate,
Mother Thrice Admirable,
Mother Undefiled,
Mystical Rose,
Nova Eva (the New Eve),
Our Lady of Compassion,
Our Lady of Confidence,
Our Lady of Victory,
Our Lady, Star of the Sea,
Our Mother of Perpetual Help,
Queen Assumed Into Heaven,
Queen Conceived Without Original Sin,
Queen of All Saints,
Queen of Angels,
Queen of Apostles,
Queen of Confessors,
Queen of Families,
Queen of Heaven,
Queen of Martyrs,
Queen of Patriarchs,
Queen of Peace,
Queen of Prophets,
Queen of the Most Holy Rosary,
Queen of Virgins,
Ravisher of Hearts,
Refuge of Sinners,
Resplendant car,
Seat of Wisdom,
She Who Shows the Way,
Singular Vessel of Devotion,
Spiritual Vessel,
Spouse of the Holy Spirit,
Sovereign Mistress of the Angels, 
Tabernacle of the Lord,
Temple of the Holy Spirit,
Temple of the Most Holy Trinity,
Throne of Wisdom,
Tower of David,
Tower of Ivory,
Treasure House of God's Graces,
Untier of Knots,
Vessel of Honor,
Virgin God-bearer,
Virgin Most Faithful,
Virgin Most Merciful,
Virgin Most Powerful,
Virgin Most Prudent,
Virgin Most Renowned,
Virgin Most Venerable
Virgin of virgins,                           born under the law, to HELP redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship; sooner or later; and not spend TOO much time in Purgatory.
 

 
 

123 posted on 07/29/2022 5:51:45 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: fidelis
There are so many good Catholic Bible studies and resources now there is really no excuse.

Isn't the CATECHISM enough?

124 posted on 07/29/2022 5:52:47 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

Yes. Really.

Behold your mother.

OGINJ


125 posted on 07/29/2022 5:53:51 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: NorthStarOkie
If the Lord declares the Catholic version to be correct, millions of “Christians” will be condemned.
If the Lord declares the Protestant version to be correct, millions of “Christians” will be condemned.

If the Lord permits both to enter heaven, then the Lord is neither just nor good.

I find the logic here to be faulty.

John 3:18

126 posted on 07/29/2022 5:54:52 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

Don’t put your mother down, Elsie.


127 posted on 07/29/2022 5:55:41 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: one guy in new jersey
The thought processes of an authentic Catholic are stable and reliable and much more well-founded in dogma, solid doctrine and, yes, Holy Scripture (Douay Rheims, please), than folks like you ever seem willing to give us credit for.

I'm beginning to think you're in Baghdad, not Jersey.

128 posted on 07/29/2022 5:56:56 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

No reference by Pope Gregory the Great of prostitution with respect to Mary of Magdala, sister of Martha and Lazarus of Bethany.


129 posted on 07/29/2022 5:58:05 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: daniel1212
...the Great White Throne judgment is only for unbelievers, ...

You just gotta know I'll be back, disagreeing with this.

But now I'm off to the doctor.

130 posted on 07/29/2022 5:58:37 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey

You missed the whole point!


131 posted on 07/29/2022 6:00:05 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: one guy in new jersey

My mom is dead, and so is Mary.


132 posted on 07/29/2022 6:00:57 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: DesertRhino; stormhill

A lot of Bible publishers are now making lots of money printing large print Bibles for us aging Gen X’er kids. I got mine last Christmas.


133 posted on 07/29/2022 6:02:54 AM PDT by abishai ( )
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To: Elsie

A good start would be to consent to the One True Faith whole and entire, to commit to doing the Master’s work, and to have a full-featured prayer life that at least includes a full 15-decade traditional Rosary daily and further includes diligently praying for one’s enemies. Pray for a happy, holy, provided-for death, attend mass weekly, frequent the sacraments including confession (reconciliation) and, most importantly, work out your salvation in fear and trembling.


134 posted on 07/29/2022 6:04:56 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

She lives, body and soul, as Queen of Heaven.


135 posted on 07/29/2022 6:09:55 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

Confess the One True Faith, and get and stay in a state of grace, and the darkening of your intellect will gradually begin to lift, such that you will begin to see things as they truly are.


136 posted on 07/29/2022 6:14:19 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

Thank heavens for small favors.

The last thing I need in my life is scandal and intellectual corruption.


137 posted on 07/29/2022 6:16:00 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

Now that there is funny. 😁👍


138 posted on 07/29/2022 6:17:12 AM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

The Catechism is an excellent teaching resource but it is not a Bible study.


139 posted on 07/29/2022 6:43:14 AM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: Elsie; fidelis
Nice post, thanks.

That's a long list.

Do Catholics make so much of Mary because they want to lift up the woman's gender? It's kinda their long-held version of "gender equity."

Curious.

fidelis, I ping'd you because Elsie's list runs contrary to your claims HERE. And to be fair, Elsie provides no official source for these claims about Mary.

Also, fidelis - Do you "teach" that Mary was without sin? Do you "teach" that she was born without sin?

Again, I'm curious.

140 posted on 07/29/2022 6:44:14 AM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
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