The world's funniest joke? Scientists investigating laughter pick the world's funniest joke.

Sydney Morning Herald ^ | Thursday, December 20, 2001 | Various

[glory]

I love these jokes! some of my favorites! LOL

[glory]

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None! They just sit around in the dark and bitch about it!

Like I said, element of truth in the jokes. HA HA!

[Come get it]

Another oldie:

Three strings walk into a bar. They ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve strings here". They try a different bar with the same result.

One of the strings is getting frustrated, so he decides to tie himself in a knot and mess up his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "Hey, aren't you one of those strings I told to get lost?"

The string says "Nope, I'm afraid not (frayed knot)!"

Ok, shoot me.

[glory]

Same here, actually I liked the "nuts" one in the men's column(that one actually seemed to include a play on words and sexual innuendo).:-)

[Judith Anne]

I want to bump this to read later!

[LonePalm]

Did you hear about the two dyslexic boobs who walked into a bar?

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LoanPalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[Come get it]

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Oh, there's more...

[Come get it]

Ok, feeling stupid here. How 'bout some help with the Chem prof and the ethanol joke?

[Judith Anne]

Stop me if you've heard this one:

King Arthur was about to go off to war, and he intended to leave the knights of the Round Table at home to defend the kingdom. But, he didn't trust Queen Guinevere, so he went to the royal locksmith to get a chastity belt.

The locksmith said, "I know just the thing" and went into a back room, and returned with a lovely model.

"That won't do!" said the king. "The hole is in the wrong place!"

"No it isn't!" the locksmith answered, "Watch this!" and with that he demonstrated by pushing a stick through the hole. The stick was cut in half by a hidden razor trap.

"Hmmm....said the king. "I like it! I'll take it!" So off he went to the war.

When he returned a few years later, he summoned all the knights of the Round Table to appear before him, and commanded, "Drop trou! Now!"

One after the other, the knights revealed their...er...perfidy, sadly foreshortened, until it became at last, Lancelot's turn. He was revealed to be...intact.

"Why Lancelot!" the king exclaimed, "You, whom I most suspected, are revealed to have been innocent! How could I have doubted you!?"

Lancelot looked at the floor, then at the king, and replied, "Wmmmph, ow uddnt ee oo huick..."

[Come get it]

I actually thought it was better without the peanuts (the guy was just stating the obvious)! LOL!

[Churchillspirit]

Bride's wedding vows:

aisle, altar, hymn.

[Doctor Stochastic]

What do you call a man with no arms and legs who plays accordion, trumpet, bass drum, side cymbal, and kazoo, at the same time?

Stump the Band.

[Doctor Stochastic]

How many operatic sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She holds the bulb and the whole world revolves around her.

[Doctor Stochastic]

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
Thirty-four, do you have a problem with that?

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to bring the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly painted power tools.

[shaggy eel]

,,, here's one of my favourites...

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he's wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here..."

Demon: "Are you a drinking man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca... we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You know it!"

Demon: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie- you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's...awesome!"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble?"

Guy: "Why, yes I do."

Demon: "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well, you're dead anyhow. You're gonna love Wednesdays."

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean?...

Demon: "That's right! - Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want; you're dead who cares! O.D.!!

> >Guy: WOW, how cool is THAT?!!! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!!

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Nah...."

Demon: "Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."

[jjbrouwer]

That Sherlock Holmes joke is crap. I know a far better one.

[Come get it]

What do you call two guys with no arms or legs hanging above a window?
Kurt and Rod

What do you call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu

[Pistias]

That is f*****n awful, A.J.--well done!

[jjbrouwer]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.



Why did the pervert cross the road?

He couldn't get his nob out of the chicken.

[Come get it]

Same joke, different version:

Doctor brings out a dog and a cat... dog does same thing as the cat... price includes lab work and cat scan