Posted on 08/05/2004 3:41:53 PM PDT by ZapLiberals
It's tough to be a Republican.
It's tough to be a Republican in 2004, because you are expected to somehow believe all of this.
Religion
George W. Bush is a Christian, and Christians believe that lying is a sin, but it is okay for George Bush to mislead the public.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying about the existence of Weapons of Mass Destruction to enlist support for an unprovoked, undeclared war, in which tens of thousands of soldiers and civilians die, is "defense".
Christians believe in charity toward the poor, but it is okay for George Bush to reduce the budget for social services.
Christians believe "You shall not kill", but killing Iraqis helps them.
Jesus loves you, but shares your deep dislike of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
Big Business
There is no conflict of interest in the fact that the Bush family is invested in the The Carlyle Group, a company that has done millions in business with the bin Laden family, or that George H.W. Bush attended a meeting with a half brother of Osama bin Laden a day after the bombing on September 11, 2001.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.
"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
HMOs and insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies have the interest of the public at heart. It is entirely acceptable for pharmaceutical companies to charge more in the U.S. than any other country in the world.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but it is okay to teach creationism in schools.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him and Rumsfeld reassured him he was our buddy, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him as CEO of Halliburton, but then a bad guy again when Bush Junior needed a prop for his re-election campaign as the "war president", and needed the Israeli vote.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international harmony".
Government
Republicans are conservatives, but it is okay to spend like there is no tomorrow and run up extraordinary deficits that your grandchildren will have to pay, while at the same time refunding as much tax money as possible to rich people.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages, censoring the Internet, and limiting stem cell research.
All votes should be counted, but not in a state where your brother is governor, if counting them would mean you would not be elected president.
Foreign Policy
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, but then demand their cooperation and money.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, but a national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Sociology
The best way to decrease support for Arab terrorism is to invade an oil rich Arab country.
What Bill Clinton or John Kerry did in the 1960s is of vital national interest but what George W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
The public has a right to know about Hillary Clinton's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil stock trades should be sealed in his daddy's library, and are none of our business.
Someone who never traveled outside the U.S. before he began running for president can be sufficiently capable in fashioning foreign policy.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
Group sex and drug use are despicable, degenerate sins, except for a movie star who runs for governor of California as a Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex or get AIDS.
Affirmative Action is wrong, but it is okay for your daddy and his friends to arrange for you to graduate from Yale without much studying, to dodge the draft in the Texas Air National Guard, to get Saudi Arabians who want to buy influence in the U.S. government to bail out your company, Harken Oil, and to get you elected governor of Texas.
Someone who often has trouble speaking coherent sentences can be fully mentally in charge as president of a large country.
Having been an alcoholic affects a person his entire life, but if you are George W. Bush you are fine.
Another government note:
30. Mishandling classified info is a crime, but only if you're not a Republican. Then you're just doing your job.
(Authors unknown. Forwarded by email. Anyone may copy.)
B.S. alert.
Zot
Wow! That was quick!!
Zot already? Dang, no Viking Kitties. No delightful biff baff and full-on keyboard assault. I remember when a ZOT took time and was such fun to join. These folks get zapped early these days.
On top of all your other problems, you are redundant.
So much confusion, so little time.
Viking Kitties to the rescue
Couldn't you have at least let us play with the intruder before the inevitable forced exile?
LOL!!
You can say that again!
It's funny that these posters can operate a computer but still have virtually no ability to remember or to understand what was actually said by GW Bush regarding Iraq. But then, it's probably not inability, but unwillingness.
Gee, I wanted to play with the liberal! Why'd they make him go home? What party-poopers! No fun - no fun at all!!
I think he's holding those binoculars turned the wrong way.
As far as the foreign policy of the United States,
sometimes it would be criminal for a President to tell the
truth.
I certainly would expect him to lie to our enemies.
If john kerry had a pair of fours he couldn't keep it a
secret.
Ping
Not as tough as it will be on the 3rd Nov for DemocRATS
Darn. Fun's over already.
Zot! for great justice
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