Rebel Without an Issue (Married Couples Who Won’t Have Children)

Touchstone ^ | R. Albert Mohler, Jr.

[Between the Lines]

Joe and Deb Schum aren’t worried about baby-proofing their house or buying a car seat. They don’t intend ever to have children. As a matter of fact, they are proud of their childlessness. According to a report in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, “The Schums are part of a growing number of couples across the country for whom kids don’t factor in the marriage equation.”

The nation’s birthrate fell in 2002 to a historic low of 66.9 births per 1,000 women age 15 to 44. That represents a decline of 43 percent since just 1960. “Many childless couples,” according to the report, “revel in their decision, despite badgering from baffled mothers and friends. Others struggle with the choice before keeping the house kid-free.”

An Epidemic

The Schums just don’t want kids to get in the way of their lifestyle. They enjoy cruising to the Georgia mountains on their matching Harley-Davidson motorcycles. They love their gourmet kitchen, outfitted with the very latest stainless steel appliances and fashionable countertops. Deb Schum explains, “If we had kids, we would need a table where the kids could do homework.”

This pattern of childlessness has caught the media’s attention. The left-wing Internet site Salon.com actually published a series of articles entitled, “To Breed or Not to Breed,” featuring couples and individuals who have decided that children are not a part of their chosen lifestyle.

One woman wrote that motherhood just doesn’t fit her self-image or her schedule. “I compete in triathlons; my husband practices martial arts; we both have fulfilling careers; we travel the world . . . we enjoy family and friends; we have a fun, intimate relationship.” Another woman asked: “What would the return be on the investment? Are there any laws that would require my children to pay for my nursing home when I am old? Are they going to be a sufficient hedge against poverty and loneliness?”

Some who have chosen to be childless have actually formed organizations in order to band together. The group “No Kidding” was formed in Atlanta four years ago as a social outlet for couples choosing to have no children.

Traci Swartz, an occupational therapist in her 30s, joined “No Kidding” with her husband, Jeremy, a 32-year-old computer analyst. “When you don’t have children, you are not involved in any activities like a lot of other people, like soccer and ballet,” Traci said. She explained that “No Kidding” members are more likely to talk about pets, travel, or other common interests. Kids rarely come up. “People think we sit around and talk about how we hate kids, but we almost never mention kids,” Traci explained.

Another woman in the group explained, “You focus those motherly feelings elsewhere. For us, our dogs get all that love.”

Legal fights over apartment complexes and other accommodations come down to the claim that adults ought to be able to live in a child-free environment. Others claim that too much tax money and public attention is given to children, and that this is an unfair imposition upon those who choose not to “breed.” (Animals breed. Human beings procreate and raise children to the glory of God.)

Morally speaking, the epidemic of childlessness has nothing to do with those married couples who desire children but are unable to have them. It is the result of those who are fully capable of having children but reject them as an intrusion into their lifestyle. The motto of this new movement of chosen childlessness could be encapsulated by the bumper sticker put out by the Zero Population Growth group in the 1970s: “Make love, not babies.”

A Rebellion

Modern Americans are determined not only to liberate sex from marriage, and not only to separate sex from the realities of male and female, but to liberate sex from procreation.

This rebellion against parenthood is nothing less than an absolute revolt against God’s design. The Scripture points to barrenness as a great curse and children as a divine gift. The Psalmist declares: “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3–5).

“Make love, not babies” expresses a worldview the Scripture rejects. Marriage, sex, and children are part of one package. To deny any part of this wholeness is to reject God’s intention in creation—and his mandate revealed in the Bible. You can’t make love (though you can have sex) if you refuse to make babies.

The Scripture does not even envision married couples who choose not to have children. The shocking reality is that some Christians have bought into this lifestyle and claim that childlessness is a legitimate “lifestyle option” for Christians. The rise of modern contraceptives and sterilization surgery has made this possible for the first time in human history. But though willed childlessness may have been made possible by the contraceptive revolution almost every American thinks a perfect blessing, it remains a form of rebellion against God’s design and order.

Scripture does not give couples the option of choosing childlessness. To the contrary, in the biblical revelation God commands us to receive children with joy as his gifts, and to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We are to find many of our deepest joys and satisfactions in the raising of children within the context of the family. Those who reject children want to have the joys of sex and marital companionship without the responsibilities of parenthood. They rely on others to produce and sustain the generations to come.

Some secular thinkers have recognized the problem of dropping birthrates, and some countries now offer couples financial incentives to have more children. But this epidemic of chosen childlessness will not be corrected by secular rethinking. In an effort to separate the pleasure of sex from the power of procreation, modern Americans think that sex totally free from constraint or conception is their right. The secular answer is to accept this assumption and try to mitigate its effects. It won’t work.

The Creator’s Pleasure

Without doubt, children do impose themselves upon our creature comforts, waking us up in the middle of the night with demanding needs and inconvenient interruptions. Parents learn all too quickly that children are not only the smiling cherub sleeping in the crib, but also the dirty-faced preschooler, the boisterous grade-schooler, and the headstrong teenager. Parenthood is not a hobby, but represents one of the most crucial opportunities for the making of saints found in this life.

The church should insist that the biblical formula is: Adulthood means marriage, and marriage means children. This reminds us of our responsibility to raise boys to be husbands and fathers and girls to be wives and mothers. God’s glory is seen in this, for the family is a critical arena where the glory of God is either displayed or denied. It is just as simple as that.

The church must help this society regain its sanity on the gift of children. Willful barrenness and chosen childlessness must be named as moral rebellion. To demand that marriage means sex but not children is to defraud the creator of his joy and pleasure in seeing the saints raising his children. That is just the way it is.

[oprahstheantichrist]

"But Jesus, turning to them, said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For indeed the days are coming in which they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, wombs that never bore, and breasts which never nursed!’ - Luke 23:28-29

They're here.

[Clemenza]

Cacique may disagree, but some of us have NO DESIRE to have kids. HE of ALL PEOPLE should understand that.

[gamarob1]

Hey, kids are fun. And like Rodney Dangerfield said, half the fun, is making 'em!

Raising children is one of the greatest ways to experience the love of God, as His Father's heart is seen from parent to child in many ways.

[TADSLOS]

Without doubt, children do impose themselves upon our creature comforts, waking us up in the middle of the night with demanding needs and inconvenient interruptions.

That's ok, there's plenty of illegal aliens willing to fill the void by makin' anchor babies...

[Valpal1]

Ping to post one.

New perspective on prophetic verse.

[rmlew]

I'd like to have kids, but not for another decade.

[Cacique]

These people are selfish beyond comprehension. When they grow old I suppose they will expect to have the taxpaying progeny of others subsidize their expensive medical bills and other expenses that will accrue due to their old age. Do these people think the welfare state is eternal?

Before the advent of the welfare state your children were your insurance policy who would take care of you in your old age. It is also the imperative way in which those cultures that have survived and expanded were able to procreate and pass on their legacy.

Islam is today the largest growing religion by way of the womb. Look at any region where Muslims have settled and they took over by out-reproducing the locals (kosovo, Bethlehem come to mind as more recent examples). The muslims discovered long ago, that the womb is the true weapon of mass destruction. There is a reason why women in Islam are kept suppressed and practically slaves, they have only one function in the islamic male dominated world, and that is to bear more muslims.

As far as my being childless, it is not by choice, but rather by circumstance, as it requires a willing partner to perpetuate the species etc.. Conditions which have never occurred in my particular case and as I grow older probably never will.

If there is a silver lining in all this, it is the fact that most of these couples who are childless, are self centered leftist PC types. The devout fortunately are having children at a very high rate. Among the Hasidim and fundamentalist Christians as well as Catholic Mexicans the rate is well high enough. Unfortunately we have muslims amongst us, who though small in number today because of their reproductive rate will be a substantial portion of the population by the end of the century. Given enough time, they will be the majority here.

[John Locke]

Raising children is one of the greatest ways to experience the love of God.

Amen to that. I raised five, and have never regretted one minute of time or one dollar of expense.

[redgolum]

Good point.

What gets me is the out and out hatred of kids that some of these people have. I can't understand that, but then we are hoping to have kids!

[xzins]

The church should insist that the biblical formula is: Adulthood means marriage, and marriage means children.

Not necessarily.

For some, their clergy are to remain celibate. For others, their clergy are able to be married. I'm a member of the latter, and it does seem to align better with the above quote from the article.

However, the Apostle Paul does make clear that there is a place for gifted, voluntary celibacy.

[asformeandformyhouse]

Another woman asked: “What would the return be on the investment?

Psalms 127:3  Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
4  As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
5  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

[Tax-chick]

They love their gourmet kitchen, outfitted with the very latest stainless steel appliances and fashionable countertops. Deb Schum explains, “If we had kids, we would need a table where the kids could do homework.”

I always wonder, in articles such as these, whether they held a "Quote That Makes You Sound Like a Blithering Idiot" contest among the interviewees.

[Tax-chick]

Good article, usual discussion :-).

[Between the Lines]

Cacique may disagree, but some of us have NO DESIRE to have kids.

Ah yes, the wonders of modern medicine have given us the choice whether to procreate or not.

I think it strange how every time where modern medicine has given us choice, the children of the next generation come out as losers again and again.

[Between the Lines]

However, the Apostle Paul does make clear that there is a place for gifted, voluntary celibacy.

Yes he does. But since the article is talking of married couples not wanting children, we are already beyond the celibacy issue.

[Between the Lines]

"If we had kids, we would need a table where the kids could do homework."

A place for everything and everything in it's place. By design, no place for children here.

[Between the Lines]

The devout fortunately are having children at a very high rate.

They seem to be having abortions at a very high rate also:

Women identifying themselves as Protestants obtain 37.4% of all abortions in the U.S.; Catholic women account for 31.3%, Jewish women account for 1.3%, and women with no religious affiliation obtain 23.7% of all abortions. 18% of all abortions are performed on women who identify themselves as "Born-again/Evangelical".

[Salvation]

Are these the
DINKs?

Double
Income
No
Kids