A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day....02-02-06...Kids Say The Darndest Things!

dutchess

[dutchess]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

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~ Billie, dutchess, DollyCali GodblessUSA ~

Kids Say The Darndest Things!

Most grade school teachers agree that kids say the darndest things. Here are some examples:

The future of "I give" is "I take."

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosqitoes.

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

Define H2O and CO2. H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 oppossums.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones.

The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter

Out of the mouth of babes! Have a GREAT Thursday...feel free to share special stories (AND pictures of the little ones in your life) ...and thanks for stopping in at the FINEST!

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 01-30-06 Military Monday 01-31-06 Ladies & Gentlemen...the President of the United States 02-01-06 A Letter to My Pets

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[dutchess]

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, One Nation Under God, Indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for All.

[MamaB]

Very interesting.

[MamaB]

I like this one I received in an email.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of the Ark. Noah built the Ark and the animals came on it pears. Or how about this one?

Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day but a ball of fire during the night. Or this one:

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

I really like this one:
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

[dutchess]

Kids Say The Darndest Things! You're invited to join in and share pictures of kids, grandkids...or the "stupiddist" stuff they said!!!!" (Plus it's a chance to show off a grandkid LOL)))

[Billie]

Oh, my, Sistah! I just refreshed My Comments one more time, and here you are, and this is the CUTEST thing! I LOVE your backgrounds and the kiddie dividers and the sayings and everything!

Kudos! You done good, girl!!!

[Victoria Delsoul]

Great thread. Speaking of kids saying the darndest things...

Kids talk about love:

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE??

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents."
Eric, 6

HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
Kelly, 9

WHAT'S THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Eighty-four, because at that , you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
Carolyn, 8

HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
Lottie, 9

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Martin, 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love."
Craig, 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."
Allan, 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you...If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
Kally, 9

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on TV."
Anita, 6

"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, 9

"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place...We were behind a tree."
Carey, 7

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

"Shake your hips and hope for the best."
Camille, 9

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there."
Manuel, 8

[Alberta's Child]

Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents.

LOL!!

Great post, Victoria.

[Victoria Delsoul]

I didn't write it, LOL. But thanks, anyway.

Sweet dreams, AC. See ya tomorrow.

[Alberta's Child]

See you tomorrow. Lookin' forward to another evening on FR!

[scott7278]

Good post. I have an old tape of radio bloopers, and a kid was once asked who he looked more like -- his mother or his father. This is what he said in his little voice:

"I don't look like my mother OR my father. I look like the mailman!"

[GodBlessUSA]

LOL! dutchess, What a great idea for a thread! :) Kids come up with the best lines. I have so many memories of my kids doing this. I wish I had wrote them all down. I have to think of this and post a couple later.

[GodBlessUSA]

Hi Victoria
These comments are so cute.

[DollyCali]

What a lovely job Sistah! so colorful & so funny.. The background & sep/bar are great! Thank you. Know how much fun it is to scramble ... here is a quickie contribution:

Judge Robert's "fun" son!

[DollyCali]

My grandkids in NC.. summer is 11 & Jayce 2

[The Mayor]

February 2, 2006

The Best Question

Read:
Psalm 15

Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? —Psalm 15:1

Bible In One Year: Exodus 29-30; Matthew 21:23-46

Nobel Prize-winning physicist Martin Perl was asked what he attributed his success to. "My mother," he answered. "Every day when I came home from school she asked me, 'So, Marty, did you ask any good questions today?'"

David asked the best question of all: "Lord, who may abide in Your tabernacle?" (Psalm 15:1). There are two words ancient Jews had for expressing the question "who?" One is similar to our usage. But David used another word here that asks, "What kind of person dwells close to God?"

The answer came in a series of character traits: "He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart" (v.2).

It's one thing to know the truth; it's another to obey it. God delights to live on His holy hill with those who are holy—who reflect the reality of the truth they believe. He loves men and women who "ring true."

This psalm, however, is not about any holiness of our own that we think will qualify us to gain entrance to His presence. It is rather about the beauty of holiness that God forms in us as we dwell in fellowship with Him.

The closer we get to God, the more like Him we will become. —David Roper

More purity give me, more strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains, more longings for home;
More fit for the kingdom, more used would I be,
More blessed and holy—more, Savior, like Thee. —Bliss

Walk so close to God that nothing can come between.

FOR FURTHER STUDY
Why Would Anyone Want To Be Holy?

[Temple Owl]

Good morning everybody. Sometimes kids tell it better than adults.

[luvie]

Good morning, Mayor. Hope you are having a good day today.

Thanks for our beautiful lesson from God's Word.

[Army Air Corps]

My students simply stare at the walls.

[DollyCali]

Birth order of children

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!


GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live.

[LadyX]

This is going to be a really fun thread, dutchess..:))
Need to go out for a while, but can't resist relating a family gem...

Years ago, my niece, Maureen, was instructing her little boy, Joel, then 4,
how to do something, and he was frustrated.
"She gently told him, "Just try, Joel."

Probably looking something like this - - - -
he came up with a classic...

"But, Mommy - I CAN'T KNOW HOW TO TRY TO!!"

(we still find that useful it in certain situations..:)