Skip to comments.I need fifty JOKES for the TROOPS in Iraq and Afghanistan by tomorrow night!
Posted on 11/28/2004 4:59:45 PM PST by patriciaruth
I've got a bunch of Christmas cards ("proudly MADE in the U.S.A.") that will be going with the last Christmas care packages for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan with candy canes and other goodies, and
I need some fun jokes to go in them!
Please both post your joke here and then send a copy to me by FReepmail with your first name, town and State at the bottom.
I'll print them up and tuck them in the last 4 or 5 dozen cards going out tomorrow and Tuesday.
Jokes: Anything to do with the Kerry Campaign - all the "caption this photo" threads here about Kerry.
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
Because he was stapled to the chicken.
Send them the organizational chart of the Kerry/Edwards 04 campaign--there's at least 50 jokes right there.
have you pinged tomkow?
Check out "strangecosmos.com"
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
You May Be A Redneck If...
Your wedding invitaions say "Same time, same place."
You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.
You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.
Your taxidermist also does your taxes.
You love lard sandwiches.
You've ever let your dog baby-sit your kids.
Your security system is the latch on your screen door.
Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.
You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.
Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.
The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.
There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.
Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.
You've ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.
Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.
You've ever put a race car on a prayer list.
You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.
You've used a barstool as a walker.
You're driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.
You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him fresh water.
You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep your hats.
You and your mom have the same sister-in-law.
You missed sex education class because your baby was sick.
I saw this blond girl in the grocery standing for 50 minutes staring at a half gallon of orange juice. I walked up to her and asked what she was doing. She replied the container said "concentrate".
Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount
item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is
teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at
an affordable price, in the $2-5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand
into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine",said Kathy
Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important."
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for
the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity are:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine:
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat
(Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
What's invisible and smells like bananas?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."
I met this blond girl that was so dumb she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept...
Just sent you one about the frantic left-wingers heading for Canada.
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