Like these:
You May Be A Redneck If...
Your wedding invitaions say "Same time, same place."
You park in handicapped spaces based on your SAT score.
You list dogs as dependants on your tax forms.
Your taxidermist also does your taxes.
You love lard sandwiches.
You've ever let your dog baby-sit your kids.
Your security system is the latch on your screen door.
Most of your prayers involve winning a sporting event.
You've ever caught bugs just so you could throw them at your bug zapper.
Your financial planner told you to buy lottery tickets.
The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic.
There are more things growing in your refrigerator than in your yard.
Your favorite restaurant has sawdust on the floor.
You've ever left a bingo game in handcuffs.
Your favorite recipe includes Vienna sausages.
You've ever put a race car on a prayer list.
You've ever had a dream about beef jerky.
You've used a barstool as a walker.
You're driving a vehicle that has no original body parts.
You flush the toilet and the dog thinks you're giving him fresh water.
You think your dashboard is the best pace to keep your hats.
You and your mom have the same sister-in-law.
You missed sex education class because your baby was sick.
So these four buddies are drunk in a bar, and they get into a bet over which one is the most macho.
One of them says he will carry out any challenge. His buddies come up with these three:
1) "See that really big bouncer, 6'5" and maybe 300 lbs. over there? Walk up to him and deck him."
2) "The owner's vicious German Shepard guard dog has a toothache and is locked in the bathroom. Remove the tooth."
3) "See that hot stacked blonde over there? Have sex with her before closing."
So the first drunk takes on the challenges. He walks up to the bouncer, lands a solid punch to the nose, and decks the guy.
Next he goes into the bathroom to tend the German Shepard. His friends can hear much growling, snarling, barking, crashing against the walls. Soon they hear the shepard's squeals of pain, then whimpering, and then all is quiet except for the dog's mournful moans.
Finally the drunk steps out of the bathroom with a proud look on his face and says: "Alright -- where's that blonde with the toothache?"
Shalom.
You attend family reunions to get a date.
You take your kid to school, because you're both in the same second grade class.
You video tape tag team wrestling while you're at a tractor pull.
Your family tree has no branches.
Uh Oh.
These are so funny.