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Political Limericks: Make Your Own!
Patriot Paradox

Posted on 07/18/2004 11:10:28 PM PDT by sonsofliberty2000

Yeah, well if they suck that bad make your own!

There once was a man named Kerry
Whose voting record was very scary
He flips and he flops,
while his poll numbers drop
and his positions seem contrary

There once was a Democrat named John
who of waffles he was very fond
over and over he served them up
while for some odd reason his followers ate them up
until they evetually caught on

Part 1: The Fairy

There once was a fairy named Leon
who asked a paticular John
what is your wish
I'll serve up a dish
and John just said bring it on

Part 2: Little John

After the fairy brought it on
here came little John
He was from the south
with a smile on his mouth
but very little else to brag on

Part 3: The Defeat

John and Little John went out
but the votes seemed in drought
They flipped and flopped
but they surely were stopped
by Bush and his whopping he dealt out


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 2004election; africawatch; bushhaters; comedy; election2004; flipflops; flushthejohns; heinz; humor; jfk; jfkerry; johnfkerry; johnjohn; kerry; kerrycampaign; kerryedwards; kerrywasinvietnam; ketchupandwaffles; ketchupboy; lawsuitabuse; parodies; satire; tortreform; traitor; treason; triallawyers; waffles; wafflesandketchup; whythelongface
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To: psipsistar

21 posted on 07/19/2004 12:14:41 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: psipsistar

By the way, where did you go? What did you learn?


22 posted on 07/19/2004 12:19:04 AM PDT by Choose Ye This Day (Terrorist attacks ain't caused by the use of strength. They're invited by the perception of weakness)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

John Kerry didn't think we should attack,
A country by the name of Iraq,
He screams and he rants,
That we didn't check with France,
Because he'd get out the kneepads for Chirac!


23 posted on 07/19/2004 12:32:08 AM PDT by bolobaby
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To: sonsofliberty2000

In Freeper Land he's known as just Lurch,
This horse faced man who's banned from church.
There's a list of flip flops,
Shown at all his tour stops,
Primary voters didn't research...


24 posted on 07/19/2004 12:34:49 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: Choose Ye This Day

Sorry for the lack of clarity. It was a Simpsons reference. In one episode of the Simpsons, Aliens named "Kang" and "Kodos" kidnap Clinton and Dole before the elections, in order to take over America (and Homer accidentally kills them). When the alien plot is uncovered, the aliens respond saying that voting for a third party is throwing away your vote.

The Show ends with America enslaved, and an alien cracks a whip when Marge complains about some trivial thing. Homer responds "Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."


25 posted on 07/19/2004 12:37:36 AM PDT by psipsistar
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To: sonsofliberty2000

John Kerry likes taxing your money,
It's something he thinks is quite funny,
But for pity's sake,
Give us a break,
We can't all marry a rich honey!


26 posted on 07/19/2004 12:42:58 AM PDT by bolobaby
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To: psipsistar

Ah...NOW it makes sense. Thanks!

Was that one of the Halloween specials? I remember something about aliens in one of those.


27 posted on 07/19/2004 12:43:38 AM PDT by Choose Ye This Day (Terrorist attacks ain't caused by the use of strength. They're invited by the perception of weakness)
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To: psipsistar

er... forgot to mention, the aliens, after kidnapping Clinton and Dole, pose as the two candidates. There. Now it makes sense.

My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
-- Kodos gives a speech, "Treehouse of Horror VII"


for some other snippits of text; http://www.snpp.com/episodes/4F02.html


28 posted on 07/19/2004 12:43:42 AM PDT by psipsistar
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To: sonsofliberty2000

J.F.K. is not with us today,
Camelot is just another cliche.
The group known as Move On,
Demands we crown John-John.
If there's enough Botox and hair spray.


29 posted on 07/19/2004 12:46:22 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: Choose Ye This Day
It must have been from around 1996. The aliens kidnapped Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. They declared that it didn't matter who you vote for.

In the end, with humanity enslaved, Homer declares to Marge, "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos."

30 posted on 07/19/2004 12:48:01 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

(And one for Edwards)

There's more to John Edwards than it seems,
It's true he's an ambulance chaser supreme,
But whenever one went past,
He ran so very fast,
That he's been recruited for the U.S. track team!


31 posted on 07/19/2004 12:55:43 AM PDT by bolobaby
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To: sonsofliberty2000

John waffled his "Irish" heritage...
Same with his Clinton years' "Iraq rage"...
Unfortunately for him,
There's a site run by "Jim"...
It is called the "information" age.


32 posted on 07/19/2004 1:08:18 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: Choose Ye This Day

(to everyone else reading this post, sorry it's offtopic. If you're not interested, just skip it.)

I went to China to teach English. I have a friend who believes it's important to make human connections between the US and China so we're not just folks on the TV to one another. There's really no substitute for talking to people in the flesh and working with them. I learned a lot, especially since it was my first time actually living overseas for any prolonged period of time.

If you ever go, stay away from Beijing. The people are too used to making money off of tourists, it's polluted, and rather snobbish. I lived in Nanjing and the people were very friendly to me. ( I was considered a 'guest,' and China has rules about treating guests that the US has gotten rid of somehow). Nanjing was much more modern than you'd expect, too. Internet Cafes were everywhere in Nanjing and the school I was with let me borrow a laptop and an ethernet connection (connectivity was intermittant, though). Skyscrapers were shooting up like grass, and all looked like they'd fall apart in 15-20 years or so. I also went to some of the more rural parts, where I was the only live American some folks had seen.

China is horribly, horribly polluted. You have to wash the pesticides off your fruit or you'll get seriously ill. You have to rinse shrimp in several changes of water because the seawater it comes in isn't clean. I didn't go running while in Nanjing because the air was so bad that I felt like it couldn't be healthy to do any more breathing than I had to. And Nanjing is one of the better large cities, polutionwise. Nobody told me this before I went.

Chinese people had an interesting view of America. I went to a 'hard weapons museum' expecting to see huge displays of patriotism. Instead, they had a bunch of posters on American technology, including skylab, the space shuttle, foam used to incapacitate rioters (one of my Chinese friends commented that Americans seemed to have a pretty high regard for life) and all kinds of millitary hardware.
My favorite scene was walking by a Chinese millitary base and seeing the guard standing watch under a Coca-cola umbrella.

Everything in China is for sale now, and everything is negotiable. The country is closer to fascism than communism now. A few insanely rich people. Lots of poor people. You need family connections if you really want to do business, but there are tons of tiny shops and street vendors. They just legalized private real estate, and are trying to set up some kind of credit rating system so folks can get a loan. Right now, many people are excluded in this regard. A tour guide in Beijing was startled to find that my family actually owned their house and could sell it if they wanted to.

China is also amazingly fragmented. It seemed like one big nation, but Chinese nationalism is really a pretty recent invention, comparitivly speaking, and it shows. Regionalism is a very big thing there. People were very nice to me because I was a foreign 'guest' and a lot of folks wanted a chance to practice English so they'd buy lunch for the opportunity. But they could be terrible to each other. This included my Chinese friends, standing right in front of my face.

The folks in Nanjing were pretty honest. Almost every cab driver in Nanjing refused my offer of a tip, and I'm sure they were far from rich.

Got some nice handmade paintings that I'm trying to sell online now, along with some other handmade American art.

Well, this post is a bit overlong as it stands. Hope I haven't bored you.


33 posted on 07/19/2004 1:12:49 AM PDT by psipsistar
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To: weegee

Cute. *grin*


34 posted on 07/19/2004 1:14:59 AM PDT by psipsistar
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To: sonsofliberty2000
John Edwards is the trial lawyers' guy!
He's sent our medical bills sky high.
But who can you go sue,
When the Feds own ALL 'you'?!!
National Health Care? Live free or die.

Note: This is not a call to violence. It is a declaration that under a system where we are not free to pay for our own health care, there will always arise a situation by which someone will perish while waiting on the government list for approved services (or worse yet, they will be denied medical care in their later years because the "benefits" don't outweigh the "costs").

35 posted on 07/19/2004 1:23:36 AM PDT by weegee (Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them. ~~Ronald Reagan)
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To: sonsofliberty2000
Two Pieces of Dog Crap- by me :)

“Follow me,” said the tick to the flea,
“I have plans for a blood feast that you’ve got to see!!”

“How do you mean,” said the flea quite surprised,
“You’ve slander me before with razors and knives.
Is it quite practical for you to invite,
A flea ‘you’ declared was little more than a mite!!”

“But sir you are a mite,
Many consider me but the same,
Semantics and wordplay
Are the names of the game.
I’ve risen above, the rest of the heap,
But I must have a sidekick to make one last leap!!”

“Fleas, you see, have a certain appeal,
A skill, zeal,
A triumph of will;
You have the ability to leap way beyond
Hurdles and fences not easily won.
Besides, I’m a tick, lowly and gray
And you are so bouncy, lively and gay!!”

The flea interrupted-in a most pleasant style,
“I have difficulty with matters of fairness in trial.
This ‘leap’ you believe I am capable of,
Would be much less taxing-
With help from the Gov!!”

So the little flea and the tick,
Strolled into the breach,
With power and riches beyond anyone’s reach,
For beside the gold stolen from AMERICANS abound,
Tributaries of wealth lay at their feet on the ground,
For as different as they appeared but to be,
They were both leaches- the tick and the flea.

36 posted on 07/19/2004 2:18:55 AM PDT by Porterville (Your sensitivity offends me you disgusting liberal.)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

Election 2004

'Rats with an agenda to push,
Kept their heads up in their tush.
They enlisted Mike Moore,
That Hollywood whore,
To make a Dubya ambush.

Facts, Michael did maim,
The truth he made lame.
Pulling out the stops,
He excreted some cowflops,
Intending a president to frame.

To the delight of his fan,
His tripe opened in Cannes.
His unreasoned attack,
Aided rebel Iraq,
And comforts the Taliban!

This movie's unreason,
Unleashed in war's season,
Was embraced by the left,
Who, with ethics bereft,
Supported this Treason.

This truth was expounded by Rush,
Whom the 'Rats tried to shush,
Moore's lies we will remember,
When we vote this November!
OUR voters minds are NOT mush!

The 'Rats with an agenda to push,
Still have their heads in their tush.
In spite of push polls,
And votes from dead souls,
John Kerry will lose to George Bush.


37 posted on 07/19/2004 3:17:48 AM PDT by Swordmaker (This tagline shut down for renovations and repairs. Re-open June of 2001.)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

In the election of 2004,
John Kerry was really a bore.
At every whistle-stop,
His position would flip-flop.
And supporters would head for the door.


38 posted on 07/19/2004 3:36:32 AM PDT by Swordmaker (This tagline shut down for renovations and repairs. Re-open June of 2001.)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

There once was a man named John,
Whose face was truly quite long.
Botox he used,
And used and used,
To keep he face off of the lawn.


39 posted on 07/19/2004 4:04:09 AM PDT by 4mycountry ("Change?" "Yes, I think I did!" - 'Monk' TV show)
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To: sonsofliberty2000

his face, sorry


40 posted on 07/19/2004 4:04:45 AM PDT by 4mycountry ("Change?" "Yes, I think I did!" - 'Monk' TV show)
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