Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Posted on 06/28/2002 8:53:30 AM PDT by Just another Joe
Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...
Smoker's Lounge
Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...
Yup.
Was she topless?
I'm not going to answer that one
What was I doing and why don't I remember that party?
I think you may have had a little too much Cuervo and passed out
Bwahaha... Yep... Either that or realpatriot came over and laid some major mellow on me... Bwahaha...
Miss Whyisa's post number 67 in class today put me in mind of two old jokes, but M&M and Max, don't complain to me, send your complaints to Dick Gephardt, who looked so apoplectic this morning
that I think one complaint would do him in.
Have you heard about the 3 types of sex during the life of a relationship? There's Everywhere sex, when you first start up you're so passionate, having sex madly in the kitchen, bedroom, under the dining room table, in the park, on top of the TV, at the graveyard, etc. Then there's Bedroom sex, when, after your ardour has cooled, you only do it in bed. Eventually it devolves into Hall sex : everytime you pass each other in the hall you yell "F*** YOU!"
Four kinds of orgasm (should really be told by a woman to a man):
1. Positive: "Oh yes, oh yes!"
2. Negative: "Oh no, oh no!"
3. Religious: "Oh my God, oh my God!"
4. Fake: "Oh Argh, oh Argh!"
You been hangin' around with my wife, haven't you?....I knew that!
FMCDH
First trimester - missionary style
Second trimester - doggy style
Third trimester - coyote style (you sit beside the hole and howl)
I got this one... With apologies to Bro and Miss Rika and Miss chris and Miss Why and Miss Tex and Miss bec and... Aw hell I'll put it up anyhoo... ;)
The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground! The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from going splat on the ground!
As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane. Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds.
As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight. "Those weren't midgets," the pilot replied. "Those were Texans with all the sh!t scared out of them!"
For the Democrats among us, remember to insert the proper name of the person you're addressing here, as in "Oh Rick, oh Rick!" or George or Suzy or Jane or Heironymous or whoever you're talking to. Duh.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
A Chinese couple gets married -- and she's a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring, I know dis you firs time and you bery frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want. What you want?"
"I want numma 69!" she replies.
He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You want......Beef wif Broccoli?"
So you've heard my wife all the way from Durango...I knew that.
FMCDH
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.