The 10 Best Things A Man Can Say To His Pregnant Wife

The Bee ^ | Oct 1, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

It can be hard to know what to say to a pregnant lady, especially when you're the man she's depending on for love and support. Fear not, gentlemen.

The Babylon Bee interviewed thousands of expectant ladies to create this list of the ten most precious lines that every pregnant wife wants to hear from her man:

1. "All of the Sonic ice in the entire city is now safely inside our freezer": She will love you forever for this.

2. "My sister lost all her baby weight in two weeks": Nothing wrong with a little inspiration.

3. "It's confirmed, the delivery room has a connection for the Switch 2": There's nothing she wants more than to watch you play Zelda during labor.

4. "That whole 'no lunch meat' thing is a relic of the past, here's your giant #2 from Jersey Mike's": You won't believe the look of desire in her eyes.

5. "Yup, there's just one in there": Phew.

6. "You don't at all look like a humpback whale that got stuck on the beach": Aw, babe!

7. "There's a dump truck outside currently delivering 732 body pillows onto our driveway": Sweet relief.

8. "Iiiiit's mumu time!": You'll never see her out of a mumu again.

9. "Oh yeah, there are some curly fries still in the bottom of the bag": What sweet words of comfort.

10. "The doctor with the drugs is here": This is all she really wants to hear.

Try these lines out today, and watch your pregnant lady swoon with delight.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; pregnant; satire; wife

[dayglored]

Be sure to visit the Babylon Bee page with this article

The article is sponsored by StandUpGirl.com, a volunteer organization which offers support and a good way forward for a woman with an unexpected pregnancy. Since FR frowns on posts that solicit funds for other sites, I'm not posting their content or a link to their site -- just suggesting you read the BabylonBee page. And of course then come right back here to FR and keep browsing.

[DannyTN]

Nice

I didn’t say any of those things when my ex was pregnant and I’m divorced today. So take heed.
|
Today must be pregnant day.
First we had he “Heavily pregnant” woman denied rights.
Now this.

[dayglored]

And drop something in the FreeRepublic bucket -- the new FReepathon needs to do better than the last one.

Become a monthly donor! Maybe make it an auto-pay with PayPal or whatever you use. It's easy.

Keep FreeRepublic.com alive!

[dayglored]

> Today must be pregnant day.

When my ex- was carrying our daughter, she remarked that every day was "pregnant day". It's kind of hard to avoid being aware of it. :-)

[Responsibility2nd]

No, honey, Cankles, sweaty skin, and an extra 50 lbs. looks very sexy on you.

[DIRTYSECRET]

How about Who’s the father?

[Tell It Right]

What to say to a pregnant wife if she votes democrat:

11) I don't believe in gender reveal parties.

12) Your big butt makes my racial conformity tingle.

[dayglored]

Things to NOT say:

"Look honey, your boobs are bigger since I knocked you up! Woo-Hoo!!"

Oddly, many women are not impressed by this show of support.

[gundog]

Yeah...”You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.” is off the table.

[dayglored]

> Yeah...”You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.” is off the table.

Old joke, maybe Rodney Dangerfield.

"I have a bunch of great guys for friends. For my birthday they all chipped in and got me a sweater. It was okay, but I would have preferred a screamer."

[PGR88]

My wife never ate fast food. On the other hand, I liked it.

Until her/our first pregnancy - then she wanted a Big Mac every day.

We both worked downtown in the same area, so we met for lunch every day at McDonalds.

Even I got sick of MCD’s before too long.

[dayglored]

There’s just no accounting for the food preferences of a pregnant woman.

[Dstorm]

Don’t worry Babe, we can still do it doggy style

[T.B. Yoits]

[Resolute Conservative]

Winner!

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

"The doctor with the drugs is here": This is all she really wants to hear.

Not the only thing. Unless she is in labor. At that point she only wants to know if the baby is ok and if the drugs are here yet. She is probably crushing your hand if it is not. You really want those drugs to arrive.

[Bonemaker]

Hmm. She and black guy look a little bit pensive for some odd reason.😎

[cyclotic]

My daughter and SIL have their first coming in a few days.

A month or so ago we got to their house. Since I hadn’t seen her in a couple months I said “Wow, you’re fat.”

I’m such a good dad.

She must have expected it cause she laughed.

[T.B. Yoits]

Yeah, she's not smiling.

I get it, it's a spoof, but the facial expressions are spot on.

[T.B. Yoits]

Until her/our first pregnancy - then she wanted a Big Mac every day.

That sounds like craving for meat, fat, and salt.