9 Things Men Are Better At Than Women

The Bee ^ | Jul 21, 2026 | The Bee

[dayglored]

Women may be the fairer sex, but are they the better sex? Research is conclusive that men are better at quite a few things than women.

Here are just a few examples:

1. Being created: That's right, men were created first. Get wrecked, ladies.

2. Fatherhood: Women are terrible dads.

3. Growing a handlebar mustache and twirling it mischievously: Have you seen the women with mustaches? Not very impressive.

4. Clogging toilets: Also, unclogging toilets.

5. Thinking about Ancient Rome: Research suggests women never think about Ancient Rome, which is literally insane.

6. Being President of the United States: Try harder, women.

7. Moving furniture: Wherever the women say they want it, of course.

8. Getting "that thing" off a high shelf: Who always gets asked to do it? That's right.

9. Common sense and logic: It's science.

And that settles it. What other things are men better at than women?

---

TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; men; satire; women

[sauropod]

.

[DeplorableTrumpSupporter]

The Bee... tomorrow news is today’s satire...

[Rockingham]

I think that you and your husband are contrary to common experience. My late father had a keen memory and a remarkable sense of direction and location. He had been an officer in the merchant marine and, even in his nineties, could use a sextant to determine a precise position based on the sun.

My mother is still with us in her mid nineties and no longer drives. She can give directions quite well in relative terms, but, as ever, she is poor at compass directions or distances.

[Jamestown1630]

I think our situation has something to do with where we grew up and learned to drive - I in a very congested urban/suburban environment, and he in a rural area where there were a lot of big, long roads and not as densely populated and built-up.

He really hates driving here, and even after more than 30 years that hasn’t changed. For me, it’s all I’ve known.

[Ol' Dan Tucker]

Misogynist: Someone who hates women as much as they hate each other.

[Rockingham]

That makes sense. Intermittently, I used to drive a great deal on a crazy and intense schedule for work. Now, being over seventy, I drive as little as possible and choose to do so when traffic is slack.

[FamiliarFace]

You and I are the same in that regard. It’s almost like I have an inner compass in my head.

[MayflowerMadam]

“Have you seen the women with mustaches?”

Often. On the left side of the floor of Congress.

[FamiliarFace]

10. Better at breastfeeding. Guys just don’t have that skill, even if they call it “chest feeding”.

11. Wear high heels better than men. Practiced walking in heels as soon as we learned how to walk.

12. Cheering the team on. Nobody watches the male cheerleaders bounce around at a game.

[MayflowerMadam]

“I’ve sometimes thought there are more female misongynists than male.”

We watch true crime, and we discuss whodunnit during the show. Often, I’ll say “It was a woman.” I’m usually right, especially when the deceased is an exceptionally beautiful woman, and there’s no semen.

[MayflowerMadam]

For metal lids, they’ll expand if hot water runs over them, and they screw right off.

[Jamestown1630]

I’m not always sure whether I’m going North or South, especially at night; but I never forget a landmark and always have a ‘sense’ of where I should head.

You and I are probably like the migrating birds, which scientists think have some kind of magnetic guide in their heads :-)

[FamiliarFace]

When my youngest was an infant, it didn’t matter how I put him to bed in the crib. Every morning he woke up with his head pointing North and his nose East. It was uncanny. He’s a very good navigator. It has always made me wonder about that as an inborn trait.

I wonder if that’s how I was, but no one noticed. (So many kids to keep track of.)

[Jamestown1630]

I think humans possess senses that mainstream science hasn’t recognized yet.

[A_perfect_lady]

You’d like the play “Horace,” by Corneille.

[Chickensoup]

My grandmother taught me to hit the lid on the floor vto break the seal.

Works.

[Chickensoup]

I am going to break into your conversation for a moment

.....

I had a relative who could always tell the time with 5 minutes.
I have the same ability. There is a clock that sort of alway ticking in the background.

My kids used to try and catch me out.

Oddly I only think of time in 12 hour analog.

I think others also do this

[Jamestown1630]

How do you visualize the months of the year in your mind?

[FamiliarFace]

My brother in law has a Swiss watch in his head. Once in a while it’s aggravating. Very much like backseat drivers. Especially if you’re on vacation and just getting used to chilling out. IMHO, you shouldn’t have schedules when your toes are in the sand and you’re watching the waves go in and out.

[dfwgator]

Farting. Usually.

---

Administering the “Dutch Oven”.