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Op-Ed: I Tried Firing An AR-15 Yesterday And I Have Literally Been Soiling Myself For 17 Straight Hours
The Bee ^

Posted on 05/25/2026 12:28:55 PM PDT by Tench_Coxe

The AR-15 - the deadliest abomination known to man. A gun so terrible it's killed more people than net neutrality and Trump's tax cuts combined. And to demonstrate how awful this weapon is, I did something foolish: I tried firing one. And the experience was so horrible I have not stopped crying and soiling myself since.

Yes, even as I type this, tears fill my eyes at the remembrance of pulling that trigger and the terrible things that followed. And my pants... my pants are so soaked.How to describe the experience of firing that monstrosity? When I pulled the trigger, it was like an explosion went off INSIDE THE GUN. There was fire and everything! And then the gun ATTACKED ME! It lurched back at me, trying to strike me with that flat part on the back of it. You heard me right: The gun tried to BLUDGEON ME TO DEATH!

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: ar15killedlincoln; ar15sankthetitanic; banglist; hepoopedhimself; hepoopedhispants
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To: Red Badger

The added weight was to make the runs harder, it wasn’t bureaucratic, hopefully it had not been a good one.


41 posted on 05/25/2026 3:59:49 PM PDT by ansel12
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To: ansel12

I had to run with them too but it was a fully functional weapon!.......


42 posted on 05/25/2026 4:01:08 PM PDT by Red Badger (Iryna Zarutska, May 22, 2002 Kyiv, Ukraine – August 22, 2025 Charlotte, North Carolina Say her name)
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To: Tench_Coxe

😂


43 posted on 05/25/2026 4:02:38 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: DeplorablePaul

Gersh Kuntzman.
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/gersh-kuntzmans-ar-15-ptsd


44 posted on 05/25/2026 4:05:48 PM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: ViLaLuz

With a name like that...


45 posted on 05/25/2026 4:35:38 PM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Paladin2

Try a 12 ga with 3 1/2” shells for goose hunting. It will make a grown man think twice about shooting it more than once.


46 posted on 05/25/2026 5:16:33 PM PDT by Blood of Tyrants (No Jesus. No Peace.... Know Jesus. Know peace.)
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To: Tench_Coxe

Is an AR-15 as deadly as global warming?


47 posted on 05/25/2026 6:48:42 PM PDT by Organic Panic
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To: JBW1949

22 is bigger than 15......


48 posted on 05/25/2026 6:50:39 PM PDT by Organic Panic
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To: Disambiguator

Prophetic. He’s a pussycat. I found the original article where he chronicles his terror. Enjoy the laugh.
https://www.nydailynews.com/2016/07/14/what-is-it-like-to-fire-an-ar-15-its-horrifying-menacing-and-very-very-loud/


49 posted on 05/26/2026 5:43:32 AM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: ViLaLuz

He should have taken out an AR-14 instead of an AR-15.

They’re one less terrifying. Kind of like amps that only go to nine.


50 posted on 05/26/2026 6:10:51 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Paladin2

Where can I sell such a shotgun?


51 posted on 05/26/2026 6:13:41 AM PDT by bert ( (KE. NP. +12) Quid Quid Nominatur Fabricatur)
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To: Paladin2

Saw a video of an old farmer guy shooting a 4 Ga.nevwr even seen one of those - talk about torn rotator cuff!


52 posted on 05/27/2026 5:44:56 AM PDT by Spacetrucker
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To: Tench_Coxe

Some idiot ... possibly typing nonsense for some San Francisco “news” rag ... published a real-life story exactly like this ... several years ago. It was thoroughly derided here on FR.


53 posted on 05/27/2026 5:47:38 AM PDT by NorthMountain (... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
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