10 Other Commandments That Didn't Make The Cut

The Bee ^ | Nov 13, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

The Ten Commandments have long been seen as the backbone of societal laws for thousands of years, but did you know that there were other commandments that didn't make the list?

The Babylon Bee consulted with dozens of scholars to uncover the following list of commandments that ended up on the cutting room floor:

1. Remember the sabbath day by wearing your favorite NFL team's jersey to church: Unless it's the Cowboys, for that is sin.

2. Thou shalt install the toilet paper roll with the end of the paper coming out from under, not over, for over is a perversion in the sight of the Lord: You shall not put the paper over the top, as the nations that lived in the land before you did.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's board game collection: Neither shall you covet his Lego Millennium Falcon.

4. Honor thy father and mother as long as they aren't being super lame: Because, like, whatever.

5. Thou shalt not drive slowly in the left-hand lane, for this is an abomination to the Lord: By the testimony of two or three witnesses shall they be executed.

6. Thou shalt never schedule a meeting that could have been an email: If you schedule an unnecessary meeting, the land shall become a desolate waste.

7. Any man who puts pineapple on his pizza shall be cut off from among his people: His blood shall be on his own hands.

8. Thou shalt not discuss your time spent at the gym, for there is no one in the land who cares about your gains: Verily, verily.

9. Thou shalt just publish the recipe and not your entire life story: Woe to the man or woman who causes his brother or sister to scroll endlessly.

10. Thou shalt not bear false witness unless your lies make you the most popular podcaster in the world: Even though you may not know know... you just know.

They may not have made the final cut, but there's no denying their importance. Violate the commandments above at your own risk.

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TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; commandments; satire

[dayglored]

Yeah, The Bee goes everywhere....

[posterchild]

I will not repent for violations of failed commandment 2.

[Texas Eagle]

Wait, what!? Toilet paper dispensing from under? Blasphemer!

The only reason to do that is if you have a cat in the house.

Amen?

[one guy in new jersey]

How dare you.

[Telepathic Intruder]

If I can pt ham on my pizza, why not pineapple? Oh wait…..

[Texas Eagle]

Pineapple on pizza is not a sin. Nor is it a violation of the Man Code.

[Opinionated Blowhard]

Thou shalt not drive slowly in the left-hand lane, for this is an abomination to the Lord:

This most definitely should be added to the list.

[Retain Mike]

Our family is definitely under a new covenant, because for generations we have installed toilet paper over the top. Is there another way?

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Thou shalt not discuss your time spent at the gym, for there is no one in the land who cares about your gains: Verily, verily.

And neither shalt thou discuss your new diet for thine friends do know it shall only last a month and then thou will be on to a totally different one. Isn't that right Fred?

[kosciusko51]

Amen!

[dangus]

“You don’t put fruit on a pizza! Especially one from the American tropics!” Tell that to the tomato.

[dangus]

(Just to be clear: I wasn’t falsely quoting you; I was just rebutting an argument I’d seen.)

[kosciusko51]

As someone once said:

Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to put tomato in a fruit salad.

[chaosagent]

Our family is definitely under a new covenant, because for generations we have installed toilet paper over the top. Is there another way?

Don't have a cat, do you.

[Texas Eagle]

That is the only acceptable method unless you have a cat in the house. In which case you run the risk of having the whole role unwound and piled up on the ground.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

And pepper.

Olive.

Yay and verily the pizza would become a cheese toasty if there were no fruit on it.

[Texas Eagle]

Col’ got to be!

[Texas Eagle]

Heh, heh. No offense taken, brother. Go in peace.

[central_va]

11. No in the butt.

[BipolarBob]

I have a cat that loves toilet paper. Shredding it, that is. We take precautions the therefore.