Posted on 04/08/2025 9:06:00 AM PDT by dayglored
BEIJING — As part of an escalating global trade war, the Chinese government announced plans to retaliate against President Donald Trump's tariffs by putting worse fortunes into their cookies.
Highly placed sources within the Chinese Communist Party confirmed that production had been ramped up on newer, more disturbing fortunes to place inside cookies to be shipped to thousands of restaurants across the United States.
"Less than happy outcomes are in your future," said one slip of paper seen by a fortune cookie insider. Other fortunes reportedly created to combat Trump's tariffs include "Your baseball team is unlikely to make the playoffs," "A Mexican mariachi band will soon move in next door," and "Full control of Star Wars will soon be given to Rian Johnson," which were sure to take the trade conflict between China and the U.S. up a notch.
"We are prepared to make these fortunes much worse," Chinese President Xi Jinping said via state-controlled media. "If the United States insists on implementing these foolish tariffs, they can look forward to far more devastating and terrifying fortune cookies with every purchase of Chinese takeout."
A Trump administration insider said the president remained committed to the tariffs no matter how belligerent the fortune cookie messages may become.
At publishing time, a West Covina, California man had reportedly contacted the federal government to notify them of the "American dogs will soon bow down to the great Chinese dragon" fortune he found along with his order of General Tso's chicken.
my last one read “today the pee in the wind that soaks you will not be yours”. got me so worried I stayed home all day.
Hope Trump stops Chinese people from coming here on student visas .
“That wasn’t chicken!”
bee ttt
Wow, that one is really BAD. I’d stay home all day, too.
This is funny, but those cookies are made in USA. Of course, the company could be run by the CCP, who knows? 😄
Picky, picky.
> Of course, the company could be run by the CCP, who knows?
Certainly not I. :-)
Ha! Rian Johnson is no threat. Star wars is already controlled by Kathleen Kennedy, the depleted uranium wrecking ball of pop culture. Do your worst!!
“You will soon have an out of money experience.”
Funny, especially since both Fortune Cookies and General Tso’s Chicken originated in the US.
Fortune Cookies:
As far back as the 1870s, some confectionary shops near Kyoto, Japan carried a cracker with the same folded shape and a fortune tucked into the bend, instead of its hollow inside. It’s called the “tsujiura senbei.
The modern incarnation with its vanilla and butter flavor is generally credited to The Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park as the first known U.S. restaurant to serve the present version of the treat.
General Tso’s Chicken:
Peng Chang-kuei, a chef from Hunan who was later based in Chongqing and Taipei, rolled out the new dish circa 1973 when he opened the restaurant “Uncle Peng’s Hunan Yuan” on East 44th Street, New York City.
“Boom Boom now twice as much. Love you short time.”
You will have a car wreck on the way home.
You spouse is cheating on you.
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