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Trump Safe, Leaving Only One Dead Candidate
Babylon Bee ^
| July 14, 2024
Posted on 07/13/2024 7:38:46 PM PDT by Ciaphas Cain
U.S. — Secret Service has reported that former President Donald Trump sustained only minor injuries in an assassination attempt, leaving the number of dead Presidential candidates at one.
"We can now confirm there is only one dead Presidential candidate," announced Fox News anchor Laura Ingraham. "Praise the Lord that former President Trump is alright."
The nation breathed a sigh of relief upon learning that there was still one remaining Presidential candidate with a pulse. "I'm just so glad one of our leaders is still alive," said local woman Allison Thompson. "It would be such a tragedy to have lost both Presidential candidates."
At publishing time, America had expressed its deep gratitude for its one leader that not only was alive, but was calm enough under literal gunfire to let the nation know he was okay.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2soon; babylonbee; donaldtrump; lol; poortaste; satire; trumpshotbutokay
To: Ciaphas Cain
2
posted on
07/13/2024 7:39:43 PM PDT
by
SamAdams76
(6,575,474 Truth | 87,429,044 Twitter)
To: Ciaphas Cain
The Bee....kicking rears....taking names
3
posted on
07/13/2024 7:39:48 PM PDT
by
xp38
To: Ciaphas Cain
The Bee is on FIRE tonight!
4
posted on
07/13/2024 7:40:23 PM PDT
by
Ciaphas Cain
(A perfect storm. There will be no escape from what is coming.)
To: Ciaphas Cain
To: Ciaphas Cain
6
posted on
07/13/2024 7:43:04 PM PDT
by
lowbridge
("Let’s check with Senator Schumer before we run it" - NY Times)
To: Ciaphas Cain
To: Ciaphas Cain
There is a time for sarcastic dark humor.
This is not such a time.
8
posted on
07/13/2024 7:43:48 PM PDT
by
Responsibility2nd
(A truth that's told with bad intent, Beats all the lies you can invent ~ Wm. Blake)
To: Ciaphas Cain
The seriousness of the assassination attempt restrains me from laughing at this time.
9
posted on
07/13/2024 7:44:32 PM PDT
by
Magnum44
(...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
To: lowbridge
10
posted on
07/13/2024 7:45:32 PM PDT
by
Magnum44
(...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
To: Responsibility2nd
11
posted on
07/13/2024 8:30:20 PM PDT
by
No name given
(Anonymous is who you’ll know me as)
To: Ciaphas Cain
While we in the humor/satire department, somebody needs to post:
- The Monty Python Black Knight quote: "'Tis only a flesh wound."
- The Maxwell Smart meme: "Missed it by -that- much."
- The Star Trek meme: "He's dead, Jim." (about the shooter)
- The Stalin meme: "Dark humor is like food; not everyone gets it."
12
posted on
07/13/2024 9:02:55 PM PDT
by
dayglored
(Strange Women Lying In Ponds Distributing Swords! Arthur Pendragon in 2024)
To: Ciaphas Cain
13
posted on
07/13/2024 9:07:49 PM PDT
by
libertylover
(Our biggest problem, by far, is that almost all of big media is AGENDA-DRIVEN, not-truth driven.)
To: lee martell
I think so too. Inches away from Trump having his head explode on TV is deadly serious. People need to be held accountable.
14
posted on
07/13/2024 9:12:49 PM PDT
by
frogjerk
(More people have died trusting the government than not trusting the government.)
To: Ciaphas Cain
Too soon!
I am appalled and disgusted by this news (found out about it only 15 minutes ago, here on FR), and am certainly not yet in the mood for humor.
Regards,
15
posted on
07/13/2024 11:23:30 PM PDT
by
alexander_busek
(Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.)
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