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Are You Demon Possessed? Here Are 8 Signs
Babylon Bee ^
| April 12, 2023
| Staff
Posted on 04/13/2023 12:02:41 PM PDT by Twotone
There are demons out there, y'all. An entire unseen world doing battle for everyone's souls, and we're just stuck here in the middle of it, eating our ramen noodles and watching reality TV. Just think, you may be possessed by a demon right now and you don't even know it!
With a wide variety of crises like soaring gas prices, countries on the brink of starting World War 3, and Lizzo appearing in The Mandalorian, the last thing you need to be dealing with right now is demon possession. That's why The Babylon Bee has put together this useful list to help you determine if you are, in fact, possessed by a demon.
1. You're multilingual, as of yesterday: You woke up with the ability to speak Spanish, Chinese, and the Black Speech of Mordor. Concerning!
2. You are currently crawling on the ceiling: If, as you're reading this, you're crawling on the ceiling or levitating in any way, please seek help from the clergy.
3. You order pineapple on your pizza: Unspeakable acts like this are a clear sign supernatural darkness has taken hold of someone.
4. Your preferred pronouns are They/Them: For you are many.
5. You don't return your shopping cart to the corral: Only vicious, godless creatures do this.
6. You have an insatiable urge to teach gender theory to kindergartners: What other explanation could there be?
7. You think it's a good idea to surgically mutilate your genitals: Non-possessed people often prefer to keep sharp objects away from their privates.
8. You've been elected to the U.S. Congress: Not a guarantee of demon possession…but at least a 50/50 chance!
There you have it! If one or more of the items above describe you, you're likely possessed by a demon. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!
TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; demonpossesed; humor
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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1
posted on
04/13/2023 12:02:41 PM PDT
by
Twotone
To: Twotone
9. You want to ban healthy air for plants (carbon dioxide).
2
posted on
04/13/2023 12:04:27 PM PDT
by
Tell It Right
(1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
To: Twotone
10. You kill a bunch of pigs without eating them.
3
posted on
04/13/2023 12:05:52 PM PDT
by
Tell It Right
(1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
To: Twotone
IF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS WHILE GROOMING CHILDREN:
4
posted on
04/13/2023 12:06:28 PM PDT
by
MtnClimber
(For photos of Colorado scenery and wildlife, click on my screen name for my FR home page.)
To: Twotone
5
posted on
04/13/2023 12:06:48 PM PDT
by
Yo-Yo
(Is the /Sarc tag really necessary? Pray for President Biden: Psalm 109:8)
To: Twotone
You find yourself wearing a Nike Sports Bra in a bubble bath swilling Bud Light.
6
posted on
04/13/2023 12:07:11 PM PDT
by
RoosterRedux
(Bonhoeffer: “Silence in the face of evil is evil. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”)
To: Twotone
What’s wrong with pineapple on pizza!
7
posted on
04/13/2023 12:10:16 PM PDT
by
Guenevere
(“If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?”)
To: Twotone
Hmmm...I’m guilty of #5...👹
8
posted on
04/13/2023 12:12:23 PM PDT
by
6ppc
(Democrats would have to climb Everest to reach the level of "scum of the earth")
To: Twotone
9
posted on
04/13/2023 12:13:17 PM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire, or both.)
To: Twotone
3. You order pineapple on your pizza: Unspeakable acts like this are a clear sign supernatural darkness has taken hold of someone.
Is it any coincidence that Pineapple Pizza and the Toronto Blessing first appeared in Canada at about the same time.
10
posted on
04/13/2023 12:13:41 PM PDT
by
Dr. Sivana
("If you can’t say something nice . . . say the Rosary." [Red Badger])
To: BenLurkin
Oh, here we go..............................again..........................
11
posted on
04/13/2023 12:16:15 PM PDT
by
Red Badger
(Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
To: Twotone
12
posted on
04/13/2023 12:18:12 PM PDT
by
Huskrrrr
(Alinsky, you magnificent Bastard, I read your book!)
To: Twotone
you run around like chicken little screeching ron desantis is a “deep state globalist”...
13
posted on
04/13/2023 12:24:49 PM PDT
by
heavy metal
(smiling improves your face value and makes people wonder what the hell you're up to... 😁)
To: Guenevere
Pineapple pizza should not be on this list!!!!
Pineapple is yummy food from God.
Pizza is nearly, laf.
Two great things Together!
14
posted on
04/13/2023 12:25:40 PM PDT
by
TianaHighrider
(God moved David to STAND UP to Goliath ❣)
To: TianaHighrider; Guenevere
Pineapple pizza should not be on this list!!!!
COME OUT !!!
15
posted on
04/13/2023 12:30:45 PM PDT
by
gitmo
(If your theology doesn't become your biography, what good is it?)
To: Guenevere
Pinnaple, canadian ham and basil pizza. Yum. Bwahaha.
16
posted on
04/13/2023 12:44:50 PM PDT
by
cll
(Serviam!)
To: Tell It Right
What if they are feral hogs that my be diseased or wormy? I personally would not eat a feral hog. Yuk!
17
posted on
04/13/2023 1:05:35 PM PDT
by
Blood of Tyrants
(It's science and therefore cannot be questioned!)
To: cll
Papa Murphy’s has an excellent veggie pizza. I’m far from a vegetarian, but it is delicious! Especially with extra sun dried tomatoes.
One thing I don’t like is too much pepperoni because it makes the pizza greasy.
18
posted on
04/13/2023 1:09:13 PM PDT
by
Blood of Tyrants
(It's science and therefore cannot be questioned!)
To: Twotone
19
posted on
04/13/2023 1:13:50 PM PDT
by
dynachrome
(“We cannot save Ukraine by dooming the US economy.” Rand Paul)
To: Twotone
and the Black Speech of Mordor Ash nazg durbatuluk. Ash nazg gimbatul. Ash nazg thrakatuluk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha!!!
20
posted on
04/13/2023 1:14:01 PM PDT
by
NorthMountain
(... the right of the peopIe to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
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